THE POWER OF SELF-FORGIVENESS

 

That I May Heal You by B. Laura Wilson

There are two worthy examples of the principle of self-forgiveness in the scriptures and the power that can come from it and they are Apostle Paul and Alma, the son of Alma from The Book of Mormon.

Paul, who considered himself ‘the least of the apostles’ and not worthy to be called such because he persecuted the church of God (1 Corinthians 15:9) became the greatest missionary in the meridian of time and one of the foremost leaders of the Saviour’s Church. When I study his epistles I am amazed at the grand scale of his growth, the depth of his understanding of the doctrine of Christ and his repeated testimony of the only source of our salvation.

He will forever be remembered as a spiritual giant among men and here is why. Even though Paul testified about God’s grace vehemently and gave credit to it for what he became (1 Corinthians 15:10), he would have had to at one stage forgiven the man who misled him to offend God, and that man was himself. I believe he arrived at that place of self-forgiveness when he could in clear conscience say: “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7). Paul, after years of unrelenting, selfless service became a beacon of hope for all sinners.

Alma became a living testament of the Saviour's power of deliverance.  Not only because Christ forgave him for his horrendous sins and saved him from spiritual death but also because He freed him to become a great man.  After Alma came out of his three days of torment he immediately began to preach of Christ's mercy and His power to save (Mosiah 27:32). Nowhere in the scriptures does it say that he moped around and agonised over his past sins and felt bad about himself. 

Alma became a great example of someone who had his guilt ‘taken away from his heart, through the merits of God’s Son’ (Alma 24:10). Alma, who went about with the intent to destroy the Church became Alma who led the Nephite armies in battle, who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons, who was spat upon by the unrepentant, who dumbfounded an anti-Christ, who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance (Alma 4:4-5), who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma 45:19). 

I learnt something about self-forgiveness recently. Sometimes we can give our imperfections power over us as much as our sins and not realise they too are deserving of self-forgiveness.  I have led a pretty good life, carefully avoiding serious sin but I have been very hard on myself because I have not been ‘perfect’ in mortality. I consider all my imperfections,  weaknesses and my very humanity as my ‘earthly indignities’.

As a result of my unwillingness to forgive myself for the minutest things, I have carried inside me a self-deprecating picture of myself, a belief that I am not ‘good enough’, for much of my adult life. It is just now that I am beginning to understand that it doesn’t matter so much what I used to be like, what matters the most is what I have repented of and changed, and as a result continue to become.

The Saviour who forgives understands mortality. This was the whole point of His earthly ministry. You might say He experienced mortal life at ‘ground zero’ because He ‘descended below all things that he might comprehend all things’ (D&C 88:6). What things? Our difficulties, our sorrows, our sins, our imperfections, our sufferings, our inabilities, our mortal weakness…..the ultimate comprehension coming through the Atonement where He came to understand what it is to be you and me.

If you are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins and the negative things you have allowed to define you, you are missing the person that you could be.  If you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you.  In this state you are not good to anyone; not to yourself, not to God, not to your fellowmen.  If you consider yourself a bad person because of your past and do not possess inner peace, you will eventually start seeking it elsewhere.  And some of the places you can end up in have the potential to distance you from God forever.

When you look at Paul and Alma, do you see broken men with a past or do you see powerful servants of the Lord?  If you have repented of your sins but can't let them go, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. The adversary wants nothing more than for your sins to continue to have power over you, even after you have forsaken them, because he hopes one day you will return to them.  Your forgiveness is not complete until you allow the Saviour to take away your remorse. The power of the Atonement can complete this process.  The Saviour can extend mercy, He can forgive, He can make of you a new person, He can wipe your slate clean. Believe it, trust it, ask for it.  The Lord has work for you to do and He is waiting.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN