THE BITTER CUP

 

Hail King of the Jews by Mindi Oaten

As I prayed this morning I was reminded of all the suffering in the world and I begged God to lift up all of His children who are today in depths of despair. I know that place….a place devoid of hope and even sometimes faith. This request was only possible because hope can exist and it does so because of one man.

Songs have been written about Him, prayers uttered in His name and books written about His greatest heroic achievement in the history of mankind.  My eyes have been opened to a lot of things through my physical suffering these past two years but perhaps the greatest was my recent  minute insight into the suffering of Christ. It was not an intellectual  but an emotional connection. What it did was bring me into touch with profound sorrow that somehow broadened my already minute understanding of the Atonement…..it came through my heart because it connected my suffering to His.

Many have concluded that Jesus didn’t really know the pain He was going to go through. I on the other hand think He was given the exact knowledge of it through His godly intellect. It has to do with ‘the bitter cup’. I think it was because of His understanding that He asked if there was another way so He didn’t have to drink it (Matthew 26:39; D&C 19:18-19).

And this is where I stand amazed. Not even when He was going through it, did He resort to push the button within His reach to end the torture. The commitment had been made and the endurance to the end was all that mattered. This became obvious when in His extremity he refused to drink another bitter cup that would in actuality soften the blow.

Crucifixion was an excruciatingly painful execution method. It was the custom of the compassionate local women or Jewish sympathizers to offer an anesthetic potion being a mixture of cheap wine and an aromatic tree resin called myrrh to those undergoing such an ordeal. Matthew and Mark identified it as vinegar and gall suggesting bitterness (Matthew 27:34: Mark 15:23). Jesus was offered this drink right before the crucifixion. He tasted it but ultimately refused to drink it. He was offered it again whilst on the cross (Mark 15:36; John 19:28,29).

The willingness to endure the full weight of human suffering and death with a fully conscious mind, rather than seeking to dull the pain or avoid the ultimate sacrifice He had to make is where the heroic component of His Atonement would have to be. It was the willingness to endure that brought the end when He could say: “It is finished” (John 19:30)

We can read all that has been written about the Atonement and Christ’s great suffering but nothing compares to the understanding you receive through the channels of the spirit and heart. I don’t know how He did it but I know that He did…..my heart tells me so.

I couldn’t stop the tears when they came

To show me what You knew of earthly pain.

My soul split open and I could see

What You suffered in Gethsemane.

 

My tears spilled and climbed that Hill

Where Your suffering increased yet still;

Oh how You suffered on that cross

So that none of us would be lost!

 

When one day again we meet

I will sorrow at Your feet,

My hands raw from clutching still

That gruesome cross of Calvary.

 

You have my heart

You have my soul

My purchased self is Yours to own.

In my memory Your blood runs still

On that ruthless hill of Calvary.

 

 - CATHRYNE ALLEN 

THE POWER OF SELF-FORGIVENESS

 

That I May Heal You by B. Laura Wilson

There are two worthy examples of the principle of self-forgiveness in the scriptures and the power that can come from it and they are Apostle Paul and Alma, the son of Alma from The Book of Mormon.

Paul, who considered himself ‘the least of the apostles’ and not worthy to be called such because he persecuted the church of God (1 Corinthians 15:9) became the greatest missionary in the meridian of time and one of the foremost leaders of the Saviour’s Church. When I study his epistles I am amazed at the grand scale of his growth, the depth of his understanding of the doctrine of Christ and his repeated testimony of the only source of our salvation.

He will forever be remembered as a spiritual giant among men and here is why. Even though Paul testified about God’s grace vehemently and gave credit to it for what he became (1 Corinthians 15:10), he would have had to at one stage forgiven the man who misled him to offend God, and that man was himself. I believe he arrived at that place of self-forgiveness when he could in clear conscience say: “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7). Paul, after years of unrelenting, selfless service became a beacon of hope for all sinners.

Alma became a living testament of the Saviour's power of deliverance.  Not only because Christ forgave him for his horrendous sins and saved him from spiritual death but also because He freed him to become a great man.  After Alma came out of his three days of torment he immediately began to preach of Christ's mercy and His power to save (Mosiah 27:32). Nowhere in the scriptures does it say that he moped around and agonised over his past sins and felt bad about himself. 

Alma became a great example of someone who had his guilt ‘taken away from his heart, through the merits of God’s Son’ (Alma 24:10). Alma, who went about with the intent to destroy the Church became Alma who led the Nephite armies in battle, who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons, who was spat upon by the unrepentant, who dumbfounded an anti-Christ, who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance (Alma 4:4-5), who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma 45:19). 

I learnt something about self-forgiveness recently. Sometimes we can give our imperfections power over us as much as our sins and not realise they too are deserving of self-forgiveness.  I have led a pretty good life, carefully avoiding serious sin but I have been very hard on myself because I have not been ‘perfect’ in mortality. I consider all my imperfections,  weaknesses and my very humanity as my ‘earthly indignities’.

As a result of my unwillingness to forgive myself for the minutest things, I have carried inside me a self-deprecating picture of myself, a belief that I am not ‘good enough’, for much of my adult life. It is just now that I am beginning to understand that it doesn’t matter so much what I used to be like, what matters the most is what I have repented of and changed, and as a result continue to become.

The Saviour who forgives understands mortality. This was the whole point of His earthly ministry. You might say He experienced mortal life at ‘ground zero’ because He ‘descended below all things that he might comprehend all things’ (D&C 88:6). What things? Our difficulties, our sorrows, our sins, our imperfections, our sufferings, our inabilities, our mortal weakness…..the ultimate comprehension coming through the Atonement where He came to understand what it is to be you and me.

If you are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins and the negative things you have allowed to define you, you are missing the person that you could be.  If you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you.  In this state you are not good to anyone; not to yourself, not to God, not to your fellowmen.  If you consider yourself a bad person because of your past and do not possess inner peace, you will eventually start seeking it elsewhere.  And some of the places you can end up in have the potential to distance you from God forever.

When you look at Paul and Alma, do you see broken men with a past or do you see powerful servants of the Lord?  If you have repented of your sins but can't let them go, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. The adversary wants nothing more than for your sins to continue to have power over you, even after you have forsaken them, because he hopes one day you will return to them.  Your forgiveness is not complete until you allow the Saviour to take away your remorse. The power of the Atonement can complete this process.  The Saviour can extend mercy, He can forgive, He can make of you a new person, He can wipe your slate clean. Believe it, trust it, ask for it.  The Lord has work for you to do and He is waiting.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN  

MY EVERYTHING

 

Faithful and True by LDS Bookstore

I looked up to You

When in my beginning.

I saw Your strength,

Your care, Your undying love,

And I knew only You

Could make up for what

I alone could not do.

 

You are my Shepherd,

You are my King,

You are my Holy Grail,

You are my everything.

 

-      CATHRYNE ALLEN 

THE GIVERS

 

Unless I Wash You by Mindi Oaten

“Conversion means consecrating your life to caring for and serving others who need your help and sharing your gits and blessings….Every unselfish act of kindness and service increases your spirituality.

“God would use you to bless others. Your continued spiritual growth and eternal progress are very much wrapped up in your relationships – in how you treat others…… The person who does only those things in the Church that concern himself alone will never reach the goal of perfection. Service to others is what the Gospel and exalted life are all about.”  (Elder Robert J. Whetten, Strengthen Thy Brethren, in CR April 2005, p 96, Ensign May 2005, p 91)

There was a king in the Book of Mormon who lived in ancient Americas by the name of King Benjamin who delivered a powerful sermon about service to his people. The premise of his sermon has several elements:

1.      His first reasoning is simple gratitude for the life that God has granted us to live and his preservation of us from day to day (Mosiah 2:20,21,23);

2.      God asks service of us in return for the debt we owe for our lives so he can bless us (Mosiah 2:24);

3.      Through serving one another we come to know God (Mosiah 5:13);

4.      By going above and beyond to serve those we do not deem worthy, we overcome the human inclination to judge and we grow in humility recognizing that we are all beggars before God, that all we have has been granted us by Him and not our own ability (Mosiah 4:19);

5.      All that we have belongs to God, therefore none of our possessions are ours to keep hence we have an obligation to impart of our substance to the needy among us (Mosiah 4:22);

6.      We measure the state of our hearts by our willingness to serve and help others. Even when we cannot help, the desire to do so should be in our hearts. It is the desires of our hearts that will one day be judged as much as our acts (Mosiah 4:24);

7.      By giving of ourselves and our substance we break our attachment to the things of the world. All that we are attached to in this life will one day perish when we leave, nothing is ours to keep (Mosiah 4:23);

These seven elements are sound reasoning for our obligation to care for each other. But besides all these reasons, the greatest reason is this…..by serving our fellowmen, we become like the greatest servant of all. King Benjamin assured his people that if they are ‘steadfast and immovable, and always abounding in good works’, that they will be called by the ‘name of Christ’ (Mosiah 5:9). In fact he mentions the importance of this 10 times in his sermon (Mosiah 5:7-12).

Why is this important? Because it guarantees that we shall in the end be found on the right hand of God (Mosiah 5:9). To be found in such a prestigious place for eternity means that we have to become like the man whose name we bear…..the Greatest Servant of all, the Christ. We can only become like Him, if we act like Him and do the works that He did. We are nothing without His example and His power to enable us to reach such heights.

I have always thought I would be on the giving side of service. I considered the giving part ‘noble’ but the receiving part ‘weak’…..until two years ago. I have an aversion to feeling weak but God thought He would show me otherwise. Since I have been sick and have become more and more dependent on others, I have realized one thing. Service cannot be noble in any way, if there is no one to receive. And if there is no one to receive, the givers miss out on becoming like the Greatest Servant.

Now when someone helps me achieve the smallest task I cannot do myself, I cry…..when strangers at the supermarket assist me with my groceries, I cry…..when someone makes me feel good about myself despite my incapacities, I cry….I cry all the time these days, from gratitude. I cry because of the givers.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

TREASURES IN HEAVEN

 

Book of Life by Chris Brazelton

“The Book of Mormon has much to say about earthly and heavenly treasures, in the same sense in which the newly found apocrypha do. Of course, the image is also found in the New Testament.

“The Book of Mormon prophets explain many references to heavenly treasures in the Bible. Helaman is fondest of treasures: “And even at this time, instead of laying up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where nothing doth corrupt….ye are heaping up for yourselves wrath against the day of judgment” (Helaman 8:25).

“This is the correct concept of what is meant by a treasure, it is a very common idea in the early apocrypha. We find in the many treasure passages that the treasure is the wisdom and knowledge we left behind us when we came down to this earth. In the premortal existence, we left our treasure in God’s treasury, in His keeping.

“There it is, and by our good works here we can add to it; more will be waiting for us when we go back….In the Jewish apocrypha, God orders, by his word, the lights in the heavenly height, and by the utterance of His mouth He opens the treasury, where the righteous have a store of good works preserved…..everything we add to our credit is being preserved in God’s treasury.”

-          Hugh Nibley, Temple and Cosmos, p 232-3

 

Your truth pierces my soul

And binds me to Your loving heart.

Your teaching moments

Find my hungry mind

And feed me like a bird in flight

Searching for a morsel

That gladdens its hungry heart.

Your mysteries are laid at my feet

And I, I come to you Father

Clutching these treasures

that are mine to keep.

- CATHRYEN ALLEN 

ON GIVING

 

As I Have Loved You by Laura Wilson

Then said a rich man, Speak to us of Giving.

And he answered: You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

There are those who give little of the much which they have – and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all. These are the believers of life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward. And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism. And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue; They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space. Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding; And to open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving.

You often say, “I would give, but only to the deserving.” The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture. They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish. Surely, he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is worthy of all else from you.

And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream. And what desert greater shall there be, than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?

And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed? See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving. For in truth, it is life that gives unto life – while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

And you receivers – and you are all receivers – assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives. Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings; For to be over-mindful of your debts is to doubt his generosity who has the free-hearted earth for mother, and God for father.

- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet - A Timeless Masterpiece 

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13). There is no greater giving than this. A complete submission of oneself with no thought of oneself but only for another. 

I kept my love close to my heart

Until it became too heavy to bear.

It overflowed my weakened arms

And scattered along humanity’s path.

Like crumbs from the table it fed a few,

The lonely, the weak and the weary

And gladdened my giving heart.

I spread my arms wide

And fed a throng for many years

Until each cared for soul

Paved the trail of my happy tears.

 

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

HOW GREAT THOU ART

 

Christ by Jechoon Choi

How commendably patient Thou art

With the slow progress of

My proud heart;

How great Thy wisdom,

How great Thy mercy,

How great Thy love

That fills my joyful heart;

How very great Thou art!

 

-       Cathryne Allen