GLORIOUS GRACE

 

Some of my regular readers will know that I have been in acute pain for almost two years. The lessons I have learnt in that time have come deep and fast. For that alone my suffering has been worth it.

The doctors I consulted outlined the medical path which would end in surgery. I didn’t want to get to that point and over the counter pain medication was not doing much. Being heavily invested in scriptures, and having been impressed with healings in Jesus’ day, I decided that I would also be healed.

Even though I have not seen any miraculous healings in the Church, I reasoned we have the priesthood and there are many scriptures that speak of healing in our dispensation (D&C 35:8,9; 42:48-51). I became perplexed that we, the Church members rely more on the medical profession than we do on the priesthood and concluded that most of us lacked faith to be healed and I was going to be different. I fasted for three days and asked my ministering brother to heal me. The blessing came but without a healing. I had five subsequent priesthood blessings over time and no healing. I concluded that none of the brethren had the courage to say: “rise up and walk” (Acts 3:6).

From there I decided to appeal to God to heal me himself. I was certain that we had the right to be healed just like people of the past and one day I would wake up without pain. Months went by and no healing and I was getting worse but I kept persisting thinking all I needed was the faith of the Brother of Jared…..I was sure I did not need to go down the medical path.

When I started questioning God and His mercy for me then a certain scripture came to me with incredible force: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5). I knew straight away that I had mis-understood. With that realisation came the proper understanding in two parts.

The first was that the miracles of the past had a specific purpose for that time and that today we cannot be ‘a Church of miracles’ as some evangelical ministries claim today. If we were, people would flock to the Church exclusively for this purpose and not for the eternal truths and salvation the Church represents. Even in His day, Jesus admonished some who were healed to ‘tell no man’ (Matthew 8:4; 9:30) and rebuked some for coming to Him for this purpose alone.

The second was about grace which came to me in the form of another scripture: “it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” (2 Nephi 25:23). I understood in that moment that I had not done all that I “could do” by seeking all the available help and understanding of my condition. I didn’t want to put in any of the work needed on my part. I wanted the magic wand.

The second part was the most important lesson of all. All that I was taught was not really about miracles or healing. God merely used this stage of my life to teach me about grace for one reason….He wanted me to remember on my darkest days when mortal exhaustion of pain sets in and I am tempted to distrust my power of endurance, that grace will only secure my salvation in the end ‘after all I can do’…….this was about enduring to the end….no matter what….at all cost.

I still believe in miracles because I believe in the God of miracles who is the same yesterday, today and forever and ‘ceaseth not to be God’….(Mormon 9:8-10,19)

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Reflections of Grace by Ivan Guaderrama)

A SACRED HOPE

 

As I reflected on my life recently I had a surreal experience where I saw myself before the Father who was asking me questions about my mortal experience. As I stood before Him I could not answer one question such as: How did you enjoy your mortal probation, what do you think you learnt from it, how do you think you did overall? Every time I opened my mouth, I could say nothing.

I understood there and then that there was nothing I could hide or tell half-truths about because He knew the very essence of my being: my innermost thoughts and intents, my sins, my rebellious moments in response to my sufferings, the times I had questioned Him and His goodness, my dislikes and likes, my conduct, my earthly indignities, my ingratitude, everything that made me tick….there was nothing, absolutely nothing about me or in me that He did not know.

I felt He was not watching me but looking into the very depths of my soul. It was as if He was inside me. I understood clearly as I understand that day follows night because I can see it, that God is so inter-connected with His children that it defies our mortal understanding. We, here and now, do not know and cannot fathom our spiritual origin or the Father’s connection with His children. God is beyond our understanding.

Then hope flooded my being. I had nothing to say and would not need to. There was someone who would absorb the totality of my life to answer all the questions the Father would have of my conduct, my intentions, my achievements, my failings. It would all be absorbed in the atoning blood of The Advocate who suffered for my soul. He would with His strength make up for my fragility.

This is grace, the ultimate all-encompassing gift, second only to eternal life. This grace too is beyond our understanding. We will fully come to know it when we are face to face with justice of the Father. We will know then who the Saviour truly is…a sacrifice that none of us could give, a hope of salvation, another God we are yet to comprehend.

When those who accept the gospel stand before the judgment bar of God, the Lion of Judah, the protector, will step forward in all His majesty and might as the guardian of our redemption. He will then ask the Father to judge His righteousness instead, to appease justice, saying:

“Father, behold the sufferings and death of him who did no sin, in whom thou wast well pleased; behold the blood of thy Son which was shed, the blood of him whom thou gavest that thyself might be glorified; Wherefore, Father, spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life.” (D&C 45:4,5)

 

I marvel that you could perceive

every thought of my heart,

Long before you gifted one to me;

That you trusted my will to obey

With You so dim in my memory.

I stand amazed at Your sufferance

Of the struggling sinner like me,

And the steadfast flow of help you bestow

From the merciful heart that is in Thee.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Strength and Fragility by Greg Collins)

CONSECRATING SELF

 

 

The year I studied animal sacrifice in depth, I came to understand the Atonement at a deeper level. I was absolutely mesmerised by this practice and being a visual person I wished I could witness it in the flesh. Understanding animal sacrifice has made me see the necessity of the principle of consecration in my life.

This is what touched me the most: A part of the animal sacrifice ceremony included the priest applying a small amount of animal’s blood to the tip of the right ear, the right thumb and the great toe of the right foot of the person to be consecrated.  This is what it meant:

·         On the tip of the ear: sanctifying the organ of hearing God’s word;

·         On the thumb of right hand: sanctifying the organ of action;

·         On the great toe of right foot: sanctifying the organ of walking and following God.

When I read this I wondered how I could apply this symbolism to my personal consecration to God and it came to me that just as Christ sacrificed Himself totally and completely for my sake, my sacrifice to God must be equally so: through my thoughts, my speech, my attitudes, my beliefs, my desires, my intents, my actions.

I began to consecrate myself verbally to God in prayer daily through thought, word and deed and promised to walk in paths of righteousness. As I uttered those words, the image of the priest applying sacrificial blood to my ear, thumb and toe would come into my mind. That image of the priest became indelibly impressed upon my mind. I have been doing this for a long time now and it has made a significant difference to my daily conduct.

The Saviour expects nothing of us that He himself did not do. Consider His total consecration to the Father which made Him ‘the lamb without blemish’ (1 Peter 1:19): “Had there been one thought in the mind of Jesus which was not perfectly given to God; had there been but one affection in the heart of Jesus which was not yielded to His Father’s will; had there been one step in the walk of Jesus which was taken not for God, but for His own pleasure; then He could not have offered Himself or been accepted as a ‘whole burnt- offering….but Jesus gave up all: He reserved nothing. All was burnt, all consumed, upon the altar.” (Jukes, Law of the Offerings, pp 63-64).

I kneel before Thy throne each day

Never knowing what first to say.

Then I remember what my soul foremost needs

Is my heartfelt devotion to only Thee.

My thoughts, my words, my earthly deeds

I consecrate as a memorial in prayer to Thee.

I spread my heart before Thy feet,

As the sacrificial lamb I come to see.

I see You smile, I hear You say:

You are in my heart today.

The sacrifice was mine to give,

Your soul I purchased that you might live.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: The Lamb by Stephen Sawyer)

KNOWING HIM

 

When Moses ascended Mt Sinai for the second time, Jehovah descended in a cloud before him and passing by him, He proclaimed:

“ The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth; Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.”  (Exodus 34:6,7)

This is so significant. This was not someone stroking his ego by listing His amazing qualities. This is a proclamation of someone who knows who He is and what His purpose is. Take notice of the attributes and qualities the Saviour listed: mercy, grace, longsuffering, goodness, truth, forgiveness….these are all qualities that benefit the human family. The proclamation was and still is: “I am your God and I am here to save you.”

But make no mistake, He is also a judge, as he indicates at the end of His statement, and He seeks accountability for the sins we commit and pass on to our children for generations to come. In other words, He is also a God of power, truth and justice. There is no fault in Him, only balance.

Moses wrote down how Jehovah described himself and no doubt He shared that description with the Hebrews he presided over because it was imperative that they knew who the source of their salvation was and what He was like.

“We live in a day of restoration when we know that God exists. However, the knowledge of his existence is only preliminary to our knowing his characteristics and attributes. When the challenges and traumas of life arise – and they are a natural part of this mortal experience – though we know there is a God, the issue will depend more critically on what He is like.

“The questions in those difficult times will center on whether I can depend on and trust in Him implicitly. Does He, for instance, have knowledge and power sufficient to save me? And for that matter, does he have the mercy and desire to do so?” (Jerry A. Wilson, “The Great Plan of Happiness – Insights From The Lectures on Faith” p 27)

Some years ago I determined that I would get to know what the Saviour is like through the Book of Mormon. I noted all His attributes and qualities I could see in the margins of my book. Mercy was the most prevalent attribute and it was just about on every page. I don’t know where I would be today if I didn’t know that He would be merciful towards my blunders, my imperfections and my humanity.

 

Aside from the scriptures, our convictions of who the Saviour is and what He is like, born from personal interactions with the spirit would have to be our greatest knowledge. Consider this tender image President Heber C. Kimball had of God:

 

“I am perfectly satisfied that my Father and my God is a cheerful, pleasant, lively, and good-natured Being. Why? Because I am cheerful, pleasant, lively and good-natured when I have His Spirit. That is one reason why I know and another is – the Lord said, through Joseph Smith, “I delight in a glad heart and a cheerful countenance.” That arises from the perfection of His attributes. He is a jovial, lively person, and a beautiful man. (“Journal of Discourses” 4:222)

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Jesus Loves Me by Chris Brazelton)

 

THE WAITING ROOM

 

“God can provide miracles instantaneously, but sooner or later we learn that the times and seasons of our mortal journey are His and His alone to direct. He administers that calendar to every one of us individually. For every infirm man healed instantly, as he waits to enter the Pool of Bethesda, someone else will spend 40 years in the desert waiting to enter the promised land.

“For every Nephi and Lehi divinely protected by an encircling flame of fire for their faith, we have an Abinadi burned at a stake of flaming fire for his. And we remember that the same Elijah who in an instant called down fire from heaven to bear witness against the priests of Baal is the same Elijah who endured a period when there was no rain for years…one’s life cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free. It simply will not work…..

“Christianity is comforting, but it is often not comfortable. The path to holiness and happiness here and hereafter is a long and sometimes rocky one. It takes time and tenacity to walk it…..

“The point is that faith means trusting God in good times and bad, even if that includes some suffering until we see His arm revealed in our behalf. That can be difficult in our modern world when many have come to believe that the highest good in life is to avoid all suffering, that no one should ever anguish over anything. But that belief will never lead us to “the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ.”

-          Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Waiting On the Lord” GC October 2020

 

You tell me I must

stay and conquer

Like You conquered

Your turbulent sea;

I understand,

But oh how I long to see

The shores of eternity.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Deep Calls to Deep by Aeron Brown)

RICHES

 

Your truth pierces my soul

And binds me to Your loving heart.

Your teaching moments

Find my hungry mind

And feed me like a bird in flight

Searching for a morsel

That gladdens its hungry heart.

Your mysteries are laid at my feet

And I, when I come home, will be

Clutching these riches that are mine to keep.

- CATRYNE ALLEN

(Artist Unknown)

 

TO REMEMBER HIM

 

I love symbolism in the Old Testament. Reading about the ritualistic administration of the priesthood in the wilderness of the Israelites’ journey toward the promised land convinces me how essential that was to keep them focused on the God who led them because every minute detail was highly symbolic of Him. Consider just a few such symbols:

-          EPHOD: sacred garment akin to an apron that was worn by the high priest had gold settings on each shoulder where onyx stones engraved with the names of 12 tribes of Israel were placed. These stones fastened the ephod on the priest’s shoulders symbolizing that he as a representative of the Lord, carried Israel on his shoulders (see Exodus 28:12);

-          THE BREASTPLATE: made of fabric and attached to the ephod with golden chains and fasteners, it served as a pocket in which were placed precious stones inscribed with the names of each of the tribes of Israel. “Thus, the high priest bore ‘the names of the children of Israel in the breastplate of judgment upon his heart….for a memorial before the Lord continually’ (ibid v 29).

-          THE GOLDEN DIADEM AND THE MITRE: The mitre (or hat) was made of fine linen and each priest wore one. The high priest wore a golden band on the front of his mitre on the forehead. Engraved on the band were the words “Holiness to the Lord” (ibid v 36-38)

-          THE ALTAR OF INCENSE: “Hot coals were placed on the altar and each morning and evening the high priest would burn incense. This ritual seems to signify that one can approach the presence of God only through prayer, for scriptures elsewhere indicate that incense is a symbol of prayer” (see Revelation 5:8; 8:3-4; Psalm 141:2; The Old Testament Student Manual Book 1 p 153)

We also have a place designated which symbolically points to the foundation of our salvation. It also reminds us that holiness belongs to the Lord and that He leads us to OUR promised land. The more we can enter its doors the more symbolism of the power of His salvation will become imbedded in our minds and hearts.

Consider this privilege that the rest of the world has no access to. Our temples are beacons of hope, knowledge and endowment of His grace for His spiritually begotten children, the ‘apple of His eye’ (Deut 32:9,10), the rubies in His diadem (Exodus 28:17-21; Malachi 3:17; D&C 60:4; 101:3)….His people Israel.

How great our God of Israel

Who carries us on His shoulders

And in His godly heart;

We are the rubies in His diadem

We are Israel, children of light.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Holy One of Israel by LDS Art)