THE POWER OF SELF-FORGIVENESS

 

That I May Heal You by B. Laura Wilson

There are two worthy examples of the principle of self-forgiveness in the scriptures and the power that can come from it and they are Apostle Paul and Alma, the son of Alma from The Book of Mormon.

Paul, who considered himself ‘the least of the apostles’ and not worthy to be called such because he persecuted the church of God (1 Corinthians 15:9) became the greatest missionary in the meridian of time and one of the foremost leaders of the Saviour’s Church. When I study his epistles I am amazed at the grand scale of his growth, the depth of his understanding of the doctrine of Christ and his repeated testimony of the only source of our salvation.

He will forever be remembered as a spiritual giant among men and here is why. Even though Paul testified about God’s grace vehemently and gave credit to it for what he became (1 Corinthians 15:10), he would have had to at one stage forgiven the man who misled him to offend God, and that man was himself. I believe he arrived at that place of self-forgiveness when he could in clear conscience say: “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7). Paul, after years of unrelenting, selfless service became a beacon of hope for all sinners.

Alma became a living testament of the Saviour's power of deliverance.  Not only because Christ forgave him for his horrendous sins and saved him from spiritual death but also because He freed him to become a great man.  After Alma came out of his three days of torment he immediately began to preach of Christ's mercy and His power to save (Mosiah 27:32). Nowhere in the scriptures does it say that he moped around and agonised over his past sins and felt bad about himself. 

Alma became a great example of someone who had his guilt ‘taken away from his heart, through the merits of God’s Son’ (Alma 24:10). Alma, who went about with the intent to destroy the Church became Alma who led the Nephite armies in battle, who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons, who was spat upon by the unrepentant, who dumbfounded an anti-Christ, who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance (Alma 4:4-5), who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma 45:19). 

I learnt something about self-forgiveness recently. Sometimes we can give our imperfections power over us as much as our sins and not realise they too are deserving of self-forgiveness.  I have led a pretty good life, carefully avoiding serious sin but I have been very hard on myself because I have not been ‘perfect’ in mortality. I consider all my imperfections,  weaknesses and my very humanity as my ‘earthly indignities’.

As a result of my unwillingness to forgive myself for the minutest things, I have carried inside me a self-deprecating picture of myself, a belief that I am not ‘good enough’, for much of my adult life. It is just now that I am beginning to understand that it doesn’t matter so much what I used to be like, what matters the most is what I have repented of and changed, and as a result continue to become.

The Saviour who forgives understands mortality. This was the whole point of His earthly ministry. You might say He experienced mortal life at ‘ground zero’ because He ‘descended below all things that he might comprehend all things’ (D&C 88:6). What things? Our difficulties, our sorrows, our sins, our imperfections, our sufferings, our inabilities, our mortal weakness…..the ultimate comprehension coming through the Atonement where He came to understand what it is to be you and me.

If you are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins and the negative things you have allowed to define you, you are missing the person that you could be.  If you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you.  In this state you are not good to anyone; not to yourself, not to God, not to your fellowmen.  If you consider yourself a bad person because of your past and do not possess inner peace, you will eventually start seeking it elsewhere.  And some of the places you can end up in have the potential to distance you from God forever.

When you look at Paul and Alma, do you see broken men with a past or do you see powerful servants of the Lord?  If you have repented of your sins but can't let them go, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. The adversary wants nothing more than for your sins to continue to have power over you, even after you have forsaken them, because he hopes one day you will return to them.  Your forgiveness is not complete until you allow the Saviour to take away your remorse. The power of the Atonement can complete this process.  The Saviour can extend mercy, He can forgive, He can make of you a new person, He can wipe your slate clean. Believe it, trust it, ask for it.  The Lord has work for you to do and He is waiting.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN  

A LESSON IN SELF-FORGIVENESS

 

 

After Alma came out of his three days of torment he immediately began to preach of Christ's mercy and His power to save. Nowhere in the scriptures does it say that he moped around and agonised over his past sins and felt bad about himself.  When recounting the experience to his son Helaman, he informs him of an extremely important end result of forgiveness that He received from the Saviour when he called upon His mercy.  He said: "And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more" (Alma 36:19).

One of the definitions of the word 'harrow' in the dictionary, is 'distress of mind' or to 'disturb painfully'.  What Alma is saying when he speaks of his experience is not that he forgot his sins but that the memory of them no longer distressed him and that the Saviour took away the painful state of mind that sins are capable of producing.  And why did He do that?  Surely, Alma, having been one of the 'very vilest of sinners' (Mosiah 28:4) deserved to feel bad about what he did.  But Alma did feel bad.  He suffered the godly sorrow asked of every repentant sinner, an intense sorrow which lasted for three days and which cast him into the very 'gall of bitterness' (Alma 36:18).  Obviously, the Saviour didn't require more than that of Alma.  He did not require him to live in the past for the rest of his life beating himself up for what he did.  What He did require of Alma was for Alma to become a great man.  A man who would be an instrument in His hands to teach others of Christ’s power to save. 

The true sign of repentance is never just forsaking one's sins but allowing the purifying power of the Holy Ghost to create a new man in Christ within us and with this new man becoming a profitable servant of God.  This is true fruits of repentance. Alma and the sons of Mosiah understood this (Alma 26:22). 

When you look at Alma and his life, do you see a broken man with a past or do you see a powerful prophet of the Lord? Alma, who went about with the intent to destroy the Church became Alma who led the Nephite armies in battle, who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons, who was spat upon by the unrepentant, who dumbfounded an anti-christ, who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance (Alma 4:4,5), who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma 45:19).  Alma certainly did become that great man that the Lord needed. 

If you are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins, you are missing the person that you could be.  If you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you.  In this state you are not good to anyone; not to yourself, not to God, not to your fellowman.  If you consider yourself a bad person because of your past and do not possess inner peace, you will eventually start seeking it elsewhere.  And some of the places you can end up in have the potential to distance you from God and they are usually not long lasting.

If you have repented of your sins but can't let go of them, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. The adversary wants nothing more than for your sins to continue to have power over you, even after you have forsaken them.  But that power is really yours and only you can decide how it will be used.  Your forgiveness is not complete until you allow the Saviour to take away your remorse. The power of the Atonement can complete this process.  Believe it, trust it, ask for it.  The Lord has work for you to do and He is waiting.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: My Peace I Give Unto You by B. Laura Wilson)

YOUR PURPOSE - ODE TO ALMA

 

Here is another person who can teach us about fulfilling our purpose…..Alma the Younger who went about with the intent to destroy the Church became the man who led the Nephite armies in battle (Alma 2:16); who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons (Alma 14:22);  who was spat upon by the unrepentant (Alma 14:21); who dumbfounded an anti-Christ (Alma 30:49,50); who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance (Alma 4:4,5); who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma 45:19).  Most people credit Alma’s eventual success to his repentance but I credit it to forgiveness.

When you look at Alma and his life, do you see a broken man with a past or do you see a powerful prophet of the Lord? The fact that we see a powerful prophet has more to do with forgiveness than with repentance. Certainly without repentance he would have never been set on the path to greatness but it was forgiveness that made him great. I am talking here about two-way forgiveness. The first and most important part is the Saviour’s forgiveness and the second is self-forgiveness. If Alma had never forgiven himself and had beaten up on himself for the rest of his life, he would  never have achieved his life’s purpose. 

If you are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins, you are missing the person that you could be.  If you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you. If self-forgiveness has not closed the circle of your repentance, you should examine Alma’s life post repentance. It is not enough to just stop doing the wrong things. What matters is doing the right things, the things that invite the spirit into your life so the Atonement can heal you and wipe away your guilt (Alma 24:10).  Abstaining from your sins is only the beginning of repentance.  What comes after is what brings about the change of heart and gives you lasting peace.  

If you have repented of your sins but can't let them go, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. The adversary wants nothing more than for your sins to continue to have power over you. Your forgiveness is not complete until you allow the Saviour to take away your remorse. The power of the Atonement can complete this process.  Believe in it, trust it, ask for it.  The Lord has a purpose for you and He is waiting.

He stood between you

And the gaping jaws of hell,

He cherished your soul

And snatched you from everlasting

Misery of the damned.

He planted the seed of faith

In your willing heart

But you, you tilled the ground

And nurtured the tree of faith

Growing the fruit, so exquisite and sweet.

So heavy in your overflowing arms

You sought to feed the hungry,

The spiritually maimed.

He who stood at the gates of hell

Your soul to save

Gathered the fruit,

The path to His throne to pave. 

- CATHRYNE ALLEN

(Artist Unknown)

THE PRODIGALS

In my 40 odd years in the Church I have sat in many Sunday School lessons and heard the Parable of the Prodigal Son as found in Luke 15 rehashed many times. I have seen it looked at from the good son's perspective, from the Father's perspective and from the prodigal's perspective but all the views have missed the bigger picture which helps us to understand more fully what this parable is really about - Christ and His redemptive power. To me this parable highlights the intellectual genius of the Saviour more than any other because in it He covertly speaks about himself. The parable tells of a father who had two sons. The younger son grew restless and pleaded with the Father to grant him his inheritance so he could make his own way in the world away from his family. The father complied and gave him the monetary value that equaled his share of the assets he would have inherited upon his father's death. The son made some very unwise decisions and spent his inheritance on riotous living until he had nothing left and was reduced to living with swine and sharing their husks to assuage his hunger. Upon much reflection, he made a smart decision for once, to return to his father and beg a position as his servant knowing full well he could not receive another inheritance. However, his father welcomed him back into the family with compassion and joy and reinstated him as his son. When the older brother saw the celebration upon his brother's return he was outraged because he immediately assumed he would have to share his inheritance with his erring brother. The father however, assured him that his inheritance was intact and all that the father had belonged to him.

The father of this parable can in every way be symbolic of our Father in Heaven who respects our free agency and welcomes back anyone who returns to him with compassion, forgiveness and immense joy. The younger son represents us, the prodigals. We are on daily basis, bit by bit,  spending our inheritance through the sins of mortality and some of us will in the end, stubbornly, spend it all. The oldest and good son at first glance represents the penitent, covenant children who remain faithful and will inherit all the Father has.  However, the good son was also the first son so in a wider sense he represents the First Born of the Father, the Saviour himself, but with a huge difference. Whereas the parable's good son was reluctant and fearful he would have to share his inheritance with his brother, the Saviour, from the beginning, propagated and promoted His willingness to share the inheritance with his erring younger siblings. But the loving kindness did not end there. He offered His power to bring us back to the Father as well. The parable's good son never sought him who was lost, despite the kinship, despite the brotherhood, despite the Father's sorrow over his loss. What does this tell us about Christ and His willingness to lay down His life so He can bring us back through His atoning blood? Because of his perfect nature and the purity of His love, meaning there was no motive for self-advancement within Him, He was able to say: I will not only make it possible for them to come back, I will also share with them all that I have.

I have been spiritually faithful all my life, carefully guarding my inheritance, and whilst recognising that I, like everybody else am not free from sin, I had not fully resonated with the prodigal son until I realised that I, like him have made unwise decisions in my life, not exercising the power of foresight when I made them. Because every decision carries with it consequences and repercussions I have suffered much over the years because of them. For more years than I care to admit, these decisions had exhausted my feelings of self-respect and damaged my self-esteem perpetuating my lack of self-forgiveness. But the Atonement is infinite. It covers all sin and all foibles of mortality and its ensuing suffering, even that of bad decisions. And where there is repentance, there is forgiveness. Our sins have already been suffered for and forgiveness extended, in advance, so that we would not suffer beyond our repentance. Our repentance must include self-forgiveness because if it doesn't, we are in essence affirming that we do not fully believe what Christ can do and we do not fully accept the gifts of His Atonement. The Atonement is not only cleansing but also consoling (See "The Infinite Atonement" by Tad R Callister, p 205). Like a salve to a wound, it relieves the pain and heals the once broken, the once torn, the once damaged, the once suffering. To this I testify. Its' restorative power makes us whole and justifies us when we are judged according to our mortality. To be spiritually justified means to be once again aligned with God. It means all our sins, our bad choices and our unwise decisions can be swept away. It means the prodigals can return. It means they can once again be safe, be loved and never be lost again.

From the forgiving heart of Joseph Smith:
"At one point Oliver Cowdery had disassociated himself from the Church. Joseph was anxious that he repent and return. He instructed his clerk: 'I wish you would write to Oliver Cowdery and ask him if he hasn't eaten husks long enough'." (Smith, "Doctrines of Salvation", 1:227)

A LESSON IN SELF-FORGIVENESS

In his day, Alma the Younger became a living testament of the Saviour's power of deliverance.  Not because He forgave him for his sins and saved him from spiritual death, which He certainly did, but because He freed him to become a great man.

After Alma came out of his three days of torment he immediately began to preach of Christ's mercy and His power to save. So much was he consumed with the fervor of saving souls and making amends for his wickedness that he laboured amidst 'much tribulation, being greatly persecuted by those who were unbelievers, being smitten by many of them' (Mosiah 27:32). In other words, Alma got busy following his forgiveness and he got busy doing good. Nowhere in the scriptures does it say that he moped around and agonised over his past sins and felt bad about himself.   How was Alma, a seasoned sinner who persecuted the saints and sought to destroy the Church of God not feeling guilty about what he had done? When recounting his experience to his son Heleman, he informs him of an extremely important end result of forgiveness that He received from the Saviour when he called upon His mercy: "And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more" (Alma 36:19). When he awoke from his spiritual ordeal he proclaimed: "My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched, and my soul is pained no more" (Mosiah 27:29).

One of the definitions of the word 'harrow' in the dictionary, is 'distress of mind' or to 'disturb painfully'.  What Alma is saying when he speaks of his experience is not that he forgot his sins but that the memory of them no longer distressed him and that the Saviour took away the painful state of mind these sins are capable of inducing.  And why did He do that?  Surely, Alma, having been one of the 'very vilest of sinners' (Mosiah 28:4) deserved to feel bad about what he did for longer than three days.  But Alma did feel bad.  He suffered the godly sorrow asked of every repentant sinner, an intense sorrow, a sign of a broken heart and a contrite spirit, which cast him into the very 'gall of bitterness' (Alma 36:18).  Obviously the Saviour didn't require more than that of Alma.  He did not require him to live in the past by beating up on himself for what he did.  What He did require of Alma was for Alma to become a great man.  A man who would be an instrument in His hands to convince others of His great power to save.

Alma, who once went about with the intent to destroy the Church became Alma who led the Nephite armies in battle, who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons, who was spat upon by the unrepentant, who dumbfounded an anti-christ, who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance (Alma 4:4,5), who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma 45:19).  Alma certainly did become that great man that the Lord needed.

The true sign of repentance is never just forsaking one's sins but allowing the purifying power of the Holy Ghost to create 'a new man in Christ' within us and with this new man becoming a profitable servant of God.  This is true fruits of repentance.  The sons of Mosiah and Alma understood that just forsaking their sins was not enough but that good works should follow their repentance. In Ammon's own words: "Yea, he that repenteth and exercises faith, and bringeth forth good works, and prayeth continually without ceasing - unto such it is to know the mysteries of God; yea, unto such it shall be given to reveal things which never have been revealed; yea, and it shall be given unto such to bring thousands of souls unto repentance, even as it has been given unto us to bring these our brethren unto repentance." (Alma 26:22)

Out of all of his labours, none is greater than Alma's continual attempt to convince people of Christ's power of deliverance.  He did this through whatever means he could, even willing to suffer extreme physical hardship to be able to teach this principle to others.  We read in Alma chapter 8: "And Alma went forth and also Amulek, among the people, to declare the words of God unto them; and they were filled with the Holy Ghost. And they had power given unto them, insomuch that they could not be confined in dungeons; neither was it possible that any man could slay them; nevertheless they did not exercise their power until they were bound in bands and cast into prison.  Now, this was done that the Lord might show forth his power in them" (Alma 8:30,31). The significance of this cannot be lost on us for the deliverance from physical bondage of Alma and Amulek was not only useful to demonstrate God's power but it served as a metaphor for spiritual deliverance that the Saviour is capable of.

When you look at Alma and his life, do you see a broken man with a past or do you see a powerful prophet of the Lord?  If you are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins, you are missing the person that you could be.  If you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you.  In this state you are no good to anyone, not to yourself, not to God, not to your fellowman.

If you consider yourself a bad person because of your past and do not possess inner peace, you will eventually start seeking that peace elsewhere.  And some things and places you may end up in on that search have the potential to take away your focus and to distance you from God. When we seek peace in wrong places we tend to attract situations and people that end up confirming to us our belief that we are not good enough. When that confirmation comes, it is just a matter of time before we return to our former sins. Instead of becoming powerful as a result of forgiveness, we become powerless giving over our power to our former sins. We then fall short of true repentance.

If self-forgiveness has not closed the circle of your repentance, you will continue to be 'harrowed up' by your sins and peace will elude you. In examining Alma's life it is plain to see he acquired that peace in two ways.  The first was by acknowledging Jesus Christ's mercy and power to deliver him from the anguish of his soul.  The second was being anxiously engaged in the Gospel.  It is not enough to just stop doing the wrong things.  This does not invite the spirit into your personal spiritual space so it can heal you.  Abstaining from your sins is only the beginning of repentance.  What comes after is what brings about the change of heart and gives you lasting peace. It is nourishing the seed of faith and cultivating the spirit that matters just as much as forsaking of the sin, if not more. Sins create spiritual wounds.  Like all wounds, they need to be healed (see Elder David A. Bednar's talk, We Believe In Being Chaste, Ensign May 2013). The body has a natural ability to heal physical wounds but spiritual healing can only happen spirit to spirit.

"The precise nature of the test of mortality, then, can be summarized in the following question: Will I respond to the inclinations of the natural man, or will I yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and put off the natural man and become a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord (see Mosiah 3:19)? That is the test. Every appetite, desire, propensity, and impulse of the natural man may be overcome by and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ" (David A. Bednar, We Believe in Being Chaste, Ensign May 2013). Herein lies hope. Herein lies our potential to become. Herein lies our salvation.

If you have repented of your sins but can't let go of them, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. The adversary wants nothing more than for your sins to continue to have power over you, even after you have forsaken them.  But that power is really yours and only you can decide how it will be used.  Your forgiveness is not complete until you leave your remorse, like Alma, on the altar of repentance. The power of the Atonement can complete this process.  Believe in it, trust it, ask for it.  The Lord has work for you to do and He is waiting.