There
are two worthy examples of the principle of self-forgiveness in the scriptures
and the power that can come from it and they are Apostle Paul and Alma, the son
of Alma from The Book of Mormon.
Paul,
who considered himself ‘the least of the apostles’ and not worthy to be called
such because he persecuted the church of God (1 Corinthians 15:9) became the
greatest missionary in the meridian of time and one of the foremost leaders of
the Saviour’s Church. When I study his epistles I am amazed at the grand scale
of his growth, the depth of his understanding of the doctrine of Christ and his
repeated testimony of the only source of our salvation.
He
will forever be remembered as a spiritual giant among men and here is why. Even
though Paul testified about God’s grace vehemently and gave credit to it for
what he became (1 Corinthians 15:10), he would have had to at one stage
forgiven the man who misled him to offend God, and that man was himself. I
believe he arrived at that place of self-forgiveness when he could in clear
conscience say: “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have
kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7). Paul, after years of unrelenting, selfless service
became a beacon of hope for all sinners.
Alma
became a living testament of the Saviour's power of deliverance. Not only
because Christ forgave him for his horrendous sins and saved him from
spiritual death but also because He freed him to become a great man.
After Alma came out of his three days of torment he immediately began to preach
of Christ's mercy and His power to save (Mosiah 27:32). Nowhere in the
scriptures does it say that he moped around and agonised over his past
sins and felt bad about himself.
Alma
became a great example of someone who had his guilt ‘taken away from his heart,
through the merits of God’s Son’ (Alma 24:10). Alma, who went about with the
intent to destroy the Church became Alma who led the Nephite armies in battle,
who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons, who was spat upon by the unrepentant,
who dumbfounded an anti-Christ, who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance
(Alma 4:4-5), who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma
45:19).
I learnt
something about self-forgiveness recently. Sometimes we can give our
imperfections power over us as much as our sins and not realise they too are deserving
of self-forgiveness. I have led a pretty
good life, carefully avoiding serious sin but I have been very hard on myself
because I have not been ‘perfect’ in mortality. I consider all my
imperfections, weaknesses and my very
humanity as my ‘earthly indignities’.
As a result
of my unwillingness to forgive myself for the minutest things, I have carried
inside me a self-deprecating picture of myself, a belief that I am not ‘good
enough’, for much of my adult life. It is just now that I am beginning to
understand that it doesn’t matter so much what I used to be like, what matters
the most is what I have repented of and changed, and as a result continue to
become.
The Saviour
who forgives understands mortality. This was the whole point of His earthly
ministry. You might say He experienced mortal life at ‘ground zero’ because He ‘descended
below all things that he might comprehend all things’ (D&C 88:6). What
things? Our difficulties, our sorrows, our sins, our imperfections, our
sufferings, our inabilities, our mortal weakness…..the ultimate comprehension
coming through the Atonement where He came to understand what it is to be you
and me.
If you
are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins and the negative things you have
allowed to define you, you are missing the person that you could be. If
you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you. In this
state you are not good to anyone; not to yourself, not to God, not to your
fellowmen. If you consider yourself a bad person because of your past
and do not possess inner peace, you will eventually start seeking it
elsewhere. And some of the places you can end up in have the
potential to distance you from God forever.
When you look at Paul and Alma, do you see broken men with a past or do you see powerful servants of the Lord? If you have repented of your sins but can't let them go, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. The adversary wants nothing more than for your sins to continue to have power over you, even after you have forsaken them, because he hopes one day you will return to them. Your forgiveness is not complete until you allow the Saviour to take away your remorse. The power of the Atonement can complete this process. The Saviour can extend mercy, He can forgive, He can make of you a new person, He can wipe your slate clean. Believe it, trust it, ask for it. The Lord has work for you to do and He is waiting.
- CATHRYNE ALLEN
