As I prayed this morning I was reminded of all
the suffering in the world and I begged God to lift up all of His children who
are today in depths of despair. I know that place….a place devoid of hope and
even sometimes faith. This request was only possible because hope can exist
and it does so because of one man.
Songs have been written about Him, prayers
uttered in His name and books written about His greatest heroic achievement in
the history of mankind. My eyes have
been opened to a lot of things through my physical suffering these past two
years but perhaps the greatest was my recent minute insight into the suffering of Christ.
It was not an intellectual but an
emotional connection. What it did was bring me into touch with profound sorrow that
somehow broadened my already minute understanding of the Atonement…..it came
through my heart because it connected my suffering to His.
Many have concluded that Jesus didn’t really
know the pain He was going to go through. I on the other hand think He was
given the exact knowledge of it through His godly intellect. It has to do with
‘the bitter cup’. I think it was because of His understanding that He asked if
there was another way so He didn’t have to drink it (Matthew 26:39; D&C
19:18-19).
And this is where I stand amazed. Not even when
He was going through it, did He resort to push the button within His reach to end
the torture. The commitment had been made and the endurance to the end was all
that mattered. This became obvious when in His extremity he refused to drink
another bitter cup that would in actuality soften the blow.
Crucifixion was an excruciatingly painful
execution method. It was the custom of the compassionate local women or Jewish
sympathizers to offer an anesthetic potion being a mixture of cheap wine and an
aromatic tree resin called myrrh to those undergoing such an ordeal. Matthew and
Mark identified it as vinegar and gall suggesting bitterness (Matthew 27:34: Mark
15:23). Jesus was offered this drink right before the crucifixion. He tasted it
but ultimately refused to drink it. He was offered it again whilst on the cross
(Mark 15:36; John 19:28,29).
The willingness to endure the full weight of
human suffering and death with a fully conscious mind, rather than seeking to
dull the pain or avoid the ultimate sacrifice He had to make is where the
heroic component of His Atonement would have to be. It was the willingness to
endure that brought the end when He could say: “It is finished” (John 19:30)
We can read all that has been written about the
Atonement and Christ’s great suffering but nothing compares to the understanding
you receive through the channels of the spirit and heart. I don’t know how He
did it but I know that He did…..my heart tells me so.
I
couldn’t stop the tears when they came
To
show me what You knew of earthly pain.
My
soul split open and I could see
What
You suffered in Gethsemane.
My
tears spilled and climbed that Hill
Where
Your suffering increased yet still;
Oh
how You suffered on that cross
So
that none of us would be lost!
When
one day again we meet
I
will sorrow at Your feet,
My
hands raw from clutching still
That
gruesome cross of Calvary.
You
have my heart
You
have my soul
My
purchased self is Yours to own.
In
my memory Your blood runs still
On
that ruthless hill of Calvary.
- CATHRYNE ALLEN
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