DIVINE HUMILITY

 

I can relate to the poverty stricken Zoromites who were cast out of their synagogues by the rich and well to do citizens of Antionum who deemed them as dross because of their poverty (Alma 32:2,3).

I was a single mother for 20 years without a home to call my own. All my single friends in my age bracket have a home of their own but I don’t. I used to cringe to meet Church friends I hadn’t seen for a long time because their first question was: “Where are you living now?” This has bothered me for many years than I care to admit. I haven’t been cast out of the Church or discriminated against in any way but I felt for many years that I was nothing and nobody because I basically had nothing. This also made me feel that I had nothing to show for my life despite the fact that I am educated, have worked most of my adult life, have served unceasingly in the Church for 40 years  and have brought up two children single handedly. At times I felt like I was mingling with the dust of the earth….

I have learnt three things because of the financial poverty  I have lived with throughout the years:

-        Like the poor Zoromites, my impoverishment brought me ‘to a lowliness of heart’ (v 12), to taste humility. I have many, many times reflected on this with gratitude.  Belonging to a lower socio-economic class detached me from the world and its materialistic mentality.  It has been a freedom I have appreciated greatly.

-        Being detached from the world and its materialism helped me realise over the years that I am my greatest asset because in the end, I will take myself with me. It made me reflect many times on what kind of quality of eternal life I will one day have and so my commitment to Christ and His gospel increased exponentially. This is another thing I greatly appreciate.

-        This is the greatest blessing of all – my needs and my trials turned me to God over and over and they kept me by His side. I am now convinced that this is the life I wanted long before I was born because being by God’s side is what matters to me the most.

Through my needs and trials God has revealed himself to me in miraculous ways. I have lived in some beautiful places and had everything given to me that I could not provide for myself including furniture, household goods, car….. Sometimes He has used other people but in such ways that I always understood that it could only have come from Him.  I will share here just one occasion out of many which might seem small but to me it is the most miraculous of all. When I was a new single working mother, I was struggling financially in a huge way. One week I didn’t have enough money to put gas in my car. Before I went to work one morning, I prayed for $20 for this purpose. I went to work and forgot all about it. At lunch time my co-worker came to me and put $20 on my desk. When I asked why, he told me he was returning to work from lunch and saw a $20 bill on the ground. He picked it up and didn’t know what to do with it because he thought he didn’t really need it. As soon as that thought entered his head, I came into his mind and he knew he had to give me that money. So, you see, it was like manna from heaven!

I couldn’t understand for many years why the difficulties of my life but now I can see how superbly crafted it has been. I have let go now of feeling inadequate because I am not like my friends. Looking back over my life, I would not trade the experiences I have had that led me to the closeness to God I feel today. Those poor Zoromites had no idea how lucky they were…they might have been ostracized by their rich counterparts who lost the plot but this merciless act paved the way to their salvation.

I failed to understand

Why such deep trials in my life,

I expected better in my arrogant pride.

How merciful You were Father

To help me see the purpose of the tide;

That through my bruised and aching heart

You kept me fervently by Your loving side.

 

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Life After Death by B. Laura Wilson)