In his day, Alma the Younger became a living testament of the Saviour's power of deliverance. Not because He forgave him for his sins and saved him from spiritual death, which He certainly did, but because He freed him to become a great man.
After Alma came out of his three days of torment he immediately began to preach of Christ's mercy and His power to save. So much was he consumed with the fervor of saving souls and making amends for his wickedness that he laboured amidst 'much tribulation, being greatly persecuted by those who were unbelievers, being smitten by many of them' (Mosiah 27:32). In other words, Alma got busy following his forgiveness and he got busy doing good. Nowhere in the scriptures does it say that he moped around and agonised over his past sins and felt bad about himself. How was Alma, a seasoned sinner who persecuted the saints and sought to destroy the Church of God not feeling guilty about what he had done? When recounting his experience to his son Heleman, he informs him of an extremely important end result of forgiveness that He received from the Saviour when he called upon His mercy: "And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more" (Alma 36:19). When he awoke from his spiritual ordeal he proclaimed: "My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched, and my soul is pained no more" (Mosiah 27:29).
One of the definitions of the word 'harrow' in the dictionary, is 'distress of mind' or to 'disturb painfully'. What Alma is saying when he speaks of his experience is not that he forgot his sins but that the memory of them no longer distressed him and that the Saviour took away the painful state of mind these sins are capable of inducing. And why did He do that? Surely, Alma, having been one of the 'very vilest of sinners' (Mosiah 28:4) deserved to feel bad about what he did for longer than three days. But Alma did feel bad. He suffered the godly sorrow asked of every repentant sinner, an intense sorrow, a sign of a broken heart and a contrite spirit, which cast him into the very 'gall of bitterness' (Alma 36:18). Obviously the Saviour didn't require more than that of Alma. He did not require him to live in the past by beating up on himself for what he did. What He did require of Alma was for Alma to become a great man. A man who would be an instrument in His hands to convince others of His great power to save.
Alma, who once went about with the intent to destroy the Church became Alma who led the Nephite armies in battle, who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons, who was spat upon by the unrepentant, who dumbfounded an anti-christ, who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance (Alma 4:4,5), who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma 45:19). Alma certainly did become that great man that the Lord needed.
The true sign of repentance is never just forsaking one's sins but allowing the purifying power of the Holy Ghost to create 'a new man in Christ' within us and with this new man becoming a profitable servant of God. This is true fruits of repentance. The sons of Mosiah and Alma understood that just forsaking their sins was not enough but that good works should follow their repentance. In Ammon's own words: "Yea, he that repenteth and exercises faith, and bringeth forth good works, and prayeth continually without ceasing - unto such it is to know the mysteries of God; yea, unto such it shall be given to reveal things which never have been revealed; yea, and it shall be given unto such to bring thousands of souls unto repentance, even as it has been given unto us to bring these our brethren unto repentance." (Alma 26:22)
Out of all of his labours, none is greater than Alma's continual attempt to convince people of Christ's power of deliverance. He did this through whatever means he could, even willing to suffer extreme physical hardship to be able to teach this principle to others. We read in Alma chapter 8: "And Alma went forth and also Amulek, among the people, to declare the words of God unto them; and they were filled with the Holy Ghost. And they had power given unto them, insomuch that they could not be confined in dungeons; neither was it possible that any man could slay them; nevertheless they did not exercise their power until they were bound in bands and cast into prison. Now, this was done that the Lord might show forth his power in them" (Alma 8:30,31). The significance of this cannot be lost on us for the deliverance from physical bondage of Alma and Amulek was not only useful to demonstrate God's power but it served as a metaphor for spiritual deliverance that the Saviour is capable of.
When you look at Alma and his life, do you see a broken man with a past or do you see a powerful prophet of the Lord? If you are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins, you are missing the person that you could be. If you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you. In this state you are no good to anyone, not to yourself, not to God, not to your fellowman.
If you consider yourself a bad person because of your past and do not possess inner peace, you will eventually start seeking that peace elsewhere. And some things and places you may end up in on that search have the potential to take away your focus and to distance you from God. When we seek peace in wrong places we tend to attract situations and people that end up confirming to us our belief that we are not good enough. When that confirmation comes, it is just a matter of time before we return to our former sins. Instead of becoming powerful as a result of forgiveness, we become powerless giving over our power to our former sins. We then fall short of true repentance.
If self-forgiveness has not closed the circle of your repentance, you will continue to be 'harrowed up' by your sins and peace will elude you. In examining Alma's life it is plain to see he acquired that peace in two ways. The first was by acknowledging Jesus Christ's mercy and power to deliver him from the anguish of his soul. The second was being anxiously engaged in the Gospel. It is not enough to just stop doing the wrong things. This does not invite the spirit into your personal spiritual space so it can heal you. Abstaining from your sins is only the beginning of repentance. What comes after is what brings about the change of heart and gives you lasting peace. It is nourishing the seed of faith and cultivating the spirit that matters just as much as forsaking of the sin, if not more. Sins create spiritual wounds. Like all wounds, they need to be healed (see Elder David A. Bednar's talk, We Believe In Being Chaste, Ensign May 2013). The body has a natural ability to heal physical wounds but spiritual healing can only happen spirit to spirit.
"The precise nature of the test of mortality, then, can be summarized in the following question: Will I respond to the inclinations of the natural man, or will I yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and put off the natural man and become a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord (see Mosiah 3:19)? That is the test. Every appetite, desire, propensity, and impulse of the natural man may be overcome by and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ" (David A. Bednar, We Believe in Being Chaste, Ensign May 2013). Herein lies hope. Herein lies our potential to become. Herein lies our salvation.
If you have repented of your sins but can't let go of them, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. The adversary wants nothing more than for your sins to continue to have power over you, even after you have forsaken them. But that power is really yours and only you can decide how it will be used. Your forgiveness is not complete until you leave your remorse, like Alma, on the altar of repentance. The power of the Atonement can complete this process. Believe in it, trust it, ask for it. The Lord has work for you to do and He is waiting.
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