TO BE FREE

 

For years I admired and at times envied someone in my close circle who was doing all the wrong things but seemed to have it all. I felt under-privileged and even victimised by my persistent and arduous journey on the strait and narrow. At times I even wondered if doing the right things was worth it. I arrived at my 60s with pretty much nothing; no husband, no home, no financial security, no material possessions. Now that I am here, however, I realise I have something far more superior to any of these things.  And that someone who seemed to have it all? Well, she has bondage. Over the years as I have watched this person be led 'by the neck with a flaxen cord'  (2 Nephi 26:22) my feelings of admiration and envy have turned to pity and compassion. Recently I spent some time on the phone with this person as she related through tears her entrapment in an emotionally abusive and spiritually degrading situation. After years of bad choices, her faith in God has all but been destroyed and belief in the basics of the Gospel been severely diminished. How does a flaxen cord become so strong around a person's neck that the adversary has the power to bind a person with it forever? (2 Nephi 26:22). The answer is, with one bad choice at a time and with each choice, a lack of repentance. And lack of repentance means only one thing, suffering. What once seemed like freedom to choose turns out not to be freedom at all.

In his latest conference talk, President Oaks said that 'we can be cleansed by the process of repentance' (Oaks, 'Cleansed by Repentance', CR April 2019). As I contemplated this I realised that this cleansing is not only beneficial in regards to final judgment and eternal life but that it is also meant to be advantageous to us here and now. True and sincere repentance leads to forgiveness and forgiveness leads to freedom. Freedom from the effects of sin such as: shame, guilt, lack of self-respect, low self-esteem, depression, emotional pain, sorrow, anxiety, weakened personal and spiritual power and all negative emotions generated by sin. As I contemplated further about the freeing power of forgiveness I also came to understand how much more freedom we can gain as we willingly forgive others. Setting aside the fact that forgiving others is a commandment (D&C 64:9,10), I am certain this commandment was put into place for the benefit of the victim and not the oppressor or perpetrator. Some people erroneously believe that forgiving someone their offences means that our forgiveness absolves them from their actions and that means that they are forgiven. In reality, we do not possess the power to forgive anyone's sins. That power rests with God. Forgiving another their trespass against us means acknowledging their human frailties and freeing ourselves from the effects of their actions such as: resentment, hatred, bitterness, judgment, pain and all inflicted suffering. This can be a tall order however, where a very serious offence has taken place. How do you forgive physical and mental abuse by a spouse, sexual abuse by a family member, betrayal of a loved one, even murder of someone close to you?

I can testify to you that there is no pain bigger than the Atonement. When it is beyond our mortal capability to forgive another there is still hope. I have been through an experience in my life too personal to recount where forgiveness was beyond me. It was in that moment of suffering that I was given to know that through my faith in Jesus Christ and the power of His Atonement I could be gifted a forgiving heart. As I petitioned the Lord over and over, this gift was granted. I cannot adequately describe all the positive consequences that ensued as a result of this gift in my life and the lives of those around me, especially my children. The freedom it afforded me decades ago lives with me still. That gift of a forgiving heart has enabled me to forgive over and over the foibles of others;  from my friends to Church leaders to my children to strangers. It has taught me to let go and do so with compassion. This in turn has increased my capacity to love. 

As I listened to my friend agonise over her situation I wondered why we choose pain in our lives when we can have so much better through obedience to God's commandments. Sin is never as good as it appears to be. To those not vigilant enough, appearances are easily misunderstood. But gloss can dim overnight and reveal its ugliness and the devil calls for collection of debt all too soon. Compare his clutches of deceit and hatred to the loving arms of the Saviour who vigilantly watches over us waiting for the slightest act of obedience so that He might bless us. I am certain our pain is His pain and with everlasting mercy and kindness He stands with open arms to receive us and give us freedom from the wounds inflicted by our thoughtlessness, ignorance and waywardness. For has He not said, '....though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow....be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love." (Isaiah 1:18; D&C 6:20)

TO SUFFER

I have a dear friend whose central attribute of character is compassion. She questions why some people have to suffer so much in this life while others don't? It positively wrecks her soul when she hears of someone's pain.  I have thought about her question long and hard and I offer here my understanding which admittedly comes from a finite and limited mortal view.

I believe fully and completely in the principle of free agency. Because of it we can never blame God for anything we experience. I believe we exercised the privilege of this agency even before we were born as spirits, while we were so called 'intelligences'  (Abraham 3:22).  It makes sense to me that back then  we chose to be born as spirits with a view to be embodied in flesh on our journey to godhood.  I believe that in the spirit world we advanced on different levels and that each of us mapped out a plan for our mortal experience which would enable us to work out our salvation. In other words, we each chose our life's difficulties. We wanted to advance ourselves and because of that there were certain qualities, characteristics and attributes we wanted to acquire and develop. Our lives were planned with  challenges that corresponded with the goals we had to give us the desired end. We also opted for difficult situations for the benefit of others who we wanted to help. I do not believe that we are here to be subjected to random and arbitrary experiences . To randomly have to suffer without any cause  would be supreme injustice. Since God is just this  theory of random suffering does not ring true to me. Hence my belief is that we chose our suffering. That's justice and justice can only exist where there is free agency. The idea that we chose afflictions such as abuse, neglect, physical pain, mental anguish, starvation, poverty and horrific earthly experiences is a bitter pill to swallow now that we are here and are experiencing it. Our understanding is finite and our eternal perspective difficult to maintain.

Two questions arise out of this theory of free choice. Firstly, did we really understand what suffering was having never experienced it prior to mortality? Many of us would argue that we did not. For instance, a woman does not know what child bearing is like until she is wheeled into the labour ward. The interesting point is that she chooses it again even after experiencing it once.  I would argue that we understood exactly and perfectly what suffering would be like and that this understanding was given to us by the power of God's spirit, He himself having experienced mortality and having experiential knowledge thereof. This truth is confirmed to me by the fact that a third of God's children backed out of the Plan because they understood exactly what mortality was going to be like and therefore opted for Satan's plan with the promise of 'free lunch' (D&C 29:36). The understanding must have been incredibly comprehensive and thus Satan's plan very appealing for those spirits to forsake the all consuming love of God the Father and his promise of eternal life with Him.

Secondly, if we understood it so well how could we possibly choose to suffer so cruely? Those who kept their second estate and were brave enough to embrace mortality with the full understanding of what that actually meant must have been brave enough to embrace it for only one reason: they had explicit faith in Jesus Christ and His power to save us from it. So dependable and honourable was Christ from the beginning that we knew with certainty that He would see the task to the end and save each and every one of us. I believe even those who were not to know Him in this life chose His plan because they knew that in the end the Atonement would bring them healing.

I see other reasons for suffering in mortality besides our desire for self-advancement such as a test of faith but all of these reasons pale in significance to the greatest reason of all. Jesus plainly demonstrated this principle when He healed people of their physical infirmities during this ministry. He didn't heal people  just out of His compassion. There was an important lesson to be learnt from it. It is most obvious in the story of a woman who suffered from 'an issue of blood' for 12 years. The Gospel of Mark records that she suffered many things at the hands of many physicians and none could heal her while she grew worse. Imagine hemorrhaging for twelve years with no end in sight. Out of desperation was born faith that Jesus could heal her and heal her He did merely by the touch of His garment. Both Matthew and Mark cite Christ saying to her that her faith had made her whole but Luke adds something more that the Saviour said to her: "Go in peace" (Luke 9:48) denoting spiritual healing as well as the physical one. What was He trying to teach the people He healed?  That the greatest suffering is not of the body but of the spirit and it is this suffering that we stand to be subjected to if we do not come unto Him. The Saviour expressly said if we do not repent of our sins and allow His Atonement to pay the price of sin we will have to suffer even as He (D&C 19:15-18). The suffering of this life would pale in significance compared to such suffering.

The greatest lesson of suffering is that it is meant to bring us to Christ, the fountain of our salvation. I hear people say, "God won't give you anything that you can't handle" but I believe quite the opposite is true. He will give us whatever it takes to bring us to Him for our eternal welfare is His primary concern. Whether we learn that suffering is meant to bring us to Him here and now or are taught this principle after this life, it matters not. By experiencing suffering here we learn what it actually is and most importantly, that we don't want it and that lesson is of eternal advantage. We live in a fallen world where Satan reigns supreme. We will experience suffering from physical bodies, mental illness, from sin and from actions of others.  It all comes for a purpose even if we don't understand what it is. What we need to know and have faith in is that the Saviour has atoned for it ALL. In Him there is freedom, in Him there is peace, in Him there is joy. May we strive to live so that one day we may find refuge and rest in the shadow of His protective arms where rests eternal life.

BUT WHO ARE YOU?

The book of Acts records that "God wrought special miracles by the hands of Paul" (Acts 19:11). So powerful and effective was Paul in his ministry that handkerchiefs were brought from him to the sick and they were healed from diseases and the evil spirits departed from the ones so afflicted  (Acts 19:12). So well known were Paul's  works that a certain group of vagabond Jews attempted to cast out an evil spirit by his name. During the exorcism an unexpected happened. The evil spirit said to them: "Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are you?" (Acts 19:13-15) Undoubtedly this evil spirit was referring to  the priesthood authority by which devils could be cast out but when I read this story it made me feel that the evil spirit also  knew Jesus and Paul because of how mighty they were and what they did. I immediately wondered how I would feel if I was trying to dispel the adversary in some way and he said to me: "Who are you?" How would I feel if the adversary didn't know me; if he thought I was "in the bag" and didn't merit his attention; that I didn't need to be on his radar; that he didn't recognise me as a threat and a defender of the truth.  I am by nature a warrior. I like to think that I was in the front ranks with the best of them during the war in heaven.  And I like to think that I am one of adversary's  worthy opponents here in mortality. 

Reflective in Paul's letters is his unwavering commitment to Christ but we know it was not always so. Paul was a devout Jew, and a strict Pharisee no less (Acts 26:5) and he was intent on destroying the Christians (Acts 26:9-11). It's hard to believe that Christ would choose a man such as this to raise him up to such power that he could heal people and cast out devils merely by sending his handkerchiefs. Paul endured terrible hardships and paid an enormous price for his discipleship and thereby  became the greatest missionary of early Christendom. Out of these hardships was born an iron clad commitment to the very person whom he persecuted. When Ananias was given a vision in which he would heal the newly converted Paul from his blindness, he was hesitant to even meet the man who openly persecuted the believers but the Lord told him that Paul was a chosen vessel to bear His name before the Gentiles and then He added: "For I will show him how great things he must suffer for my name's sake" (Acts 9:10-16). And suffer Paul did. Repeatedly imprisoned, thrice beaten with rods, once stoned and left for dead, survived three shipwrecks, spent a night and a day in  waters' deep, dwelt in perils of robbers and of his own countrymen, lived amongst heathen, in hunger and thirst, in cold and nakedness (2 Corinthians 11:23-27). And this supercedes all....he was scourged by the Jews 5 times. One might wonder why Paul subjected himself to these scourgings? Many other times he escaped persecution by claiming his Roman citizenship which means the Jews couldn't touch him. So why these scourgings? According to Mosaic law, a wrong doer was to be lashed 40 times (Det 25:3) but no more than that for fear of death. Paul says he received 'forty stripes save one' (2 Cor 11:24) meaning he received 39 lashes. In their meticulous administration of the Mosaic law the Jews administered 39 lashes instead of 40 in fear of a miscount. Once the recipient was scourged he was viewed as being fully restored, having paid completely any debt incurred by his wrongdoing. The alternative to scourging meant excommunication from the synagogue. Why would Paul care about such excommunication? He was after all, a converted Christian so synagogues should not have meant so much to him, only they did.....because Paul's first point of contact in his missionary journeys was always the local synagogue. This is where the majority of his preaching took place. Paul was a missionary called to the Gentiles, and this mission he fulfilled admirably,  but in his veins ran the blood of Israel and I believe his heart rested there. Imagine going into a Jewish synagogue and telling the people you were preaching to that they had crucified their god. Now imagine doing this repeatedly knowing that you will be apprehended, imprisoned and scourged to the brink of death. But this Paul did without fear because of his commitment to Christ. Is it any wonder that the evil spirits knew him? 

And is there anyone greater than the adversary in his cause to destroy our pledged commitment to the source of our salvation? The scriptures tell us that Lucifer was "a liar from the beginning" (D&C 93:25). What did he lie about? He lied about his commitment to sustain God's plan for redemption of mankind. He had an ulterior motive, to forfeit his sustaining vote and present another plan which would give him God's glory (Moses 4:1-4; D&C 29:36). He is an upstart and a wannabe. His one goal is to steal, kill and destroy. He seeks to steal our spiritual identity, kill our faith in God and destroy our commitment to Christ. In his subtlety 'he will use his logic to confuse and his rationalisations to destroy. He will shade meanings, open doors an inch at a time, and lead from purest white through all the shades of gray to the darkest black' (Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, p. 152). He will stop at nothing and he will lead even the very elect away from the truth (Matthew 24:24).  But when all is said and done and the earth is rolled together as a scroll he will become nothing and those that see him will say in amazement: "Is this the man that made the earth  tremble, that did shake kingdoms?" (Isaiah 14:16). He knows nothing of loyalty, integrity and commitment. But Paul did and when his time was up he was able to say:

 "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith" 

(2 Timothy 4:7)

THE FLAWS WITHIN US

When I joined the Church some decades ago, I believed in my youthful naivety that all members, especially the leaders of the Church, were perfect. It has taken me 40 odd years to fully realise that perfection is a long road because I am still driven to my knees on regular basis to seek for forgiveness of my follies and imperfections. As much as I strive to be true to my covenants, it's the little things that get me, the so called flaws of character, the traits of humanity, that keep me over and over in my state of imperfection.

Recently a friend of mine told me that she now believes that Joseph Smith lost his way as a prophet  because he was flawed. To this she added her dismay with the imperfections of present day leaders which she no longer considers prophets, seers and revelators because policies in the Church are changed and retracted and there doesn't seem to be consistency with leadership. I have pondered on this for quite some time. When I was on my mission in Perth I was taught that obedience is everything, no matter what the rules are. For example, my Mission President insisted that the sisters wear stockings all through summer because stockings encouraged us to be dressy when we were out proselyting. The summers in Perth were almost unbearable.  My Mission President, not being a woman, had never worn stockings and therefore did not understand how uncomfortable and unhealthy it was to wear such synthetic material in such extreme heat. But the rules were rules and we sisters wore stockings in summer. The next Mission President abolished this rule because he did things his way. And this is the point. Even though we are taught to seek revelation regarding our callings, we each bring with us, our own talents, understanding and perspective. I believe this is our prerogative. I believe we are meant to exercise our initiatives and our individual talents and skills for our own growth and to reach different people for the common good of the Church. And sometimes we make mistakes which affect others adversely. This too, however, serves a purpose of growth; repentance on the part of the offender and forgiveness on the part of the offended. The Church is not perfect, because we are the Church and we are not perfect. What is perfect is the Gospel and that does not change. The Lord uses who He has and who is willing, not who is perfect. To expect perfection from the leaders of the Church is to deny their humanity.

Peter who walked and talked with Christ was impetuous and rash in his actions and perceptions of Christ's teachings. He even denied knowing Him (Luke 22:54-60). We do not know the true reason why he did but the important thing to remember is that he only denied his association with Him, not His divinity. Peter might not have been perfect but he was also a man of faith and humility who grew almost overnight to become so mighty that people laid their sick in the streets so that the mere shadow of Peter would heal them (Acts 5:15). Another example of imperfection from the past is King David. I am constantly amazed by his life. Here was a man who loved God with all his heart and inspired the whole House of Israel to follow Him. Yet he fell from grace abominably. The Lord knew in the beginning that David would eventually fall and lose his exaltation (D&C 132:39) yet he called him anyway to be the king because He knew what He could and would accomplish. David achieved incredible heights in his leadership which to this day is regarded as the golden age of Israel. And despite his eventual gross crimes of adultery and murder, God covenanted with him anyway that he would raise Messiah through him and his lineage (Acts 2:30).

So how does the Lord choose his leaders? He certainly does not measure them by the level of their perfection. Why not?  Because firstly there aren't any perfect people to choose from and secondly, so that we would continue to worship Him and not mere mortals. Even if there were perfect people I believe they would not be chosen because they are not meant to draw people to them but to God  (D&C 1:19-24). Could we ever dispute the Lord's reasoning when He himself proclaimed it so: "Wherefore, I call upon the weak things of the world, those who are unlearned and despised, to thrash the nations by the power of MY Spirit" (D&C 35:13). Not by our own strength but by His. By 'my spirit' the Lord here indicates that in reality we are merely vehicles through whom He performs His work that all might know that He is the one true and living God and that we might not trust in the arm of the flesh (D&C 1:19); that we are to serve and worship Him and Him alone.

When the early apostles were seeking a replacement for Judas in the Quorum of the Twelve they prayed to know which of the two under consideration the Lord would have because He knows the hearts of all men (Acts 1:24). They did not ask God to tell them which of the two was more perfect. This same criteria was used to choose David as the king. The Lord told Samuel: "....for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7). When I pleaded with the Lord to help me understand regarding the polygamy/polyandry issue in the Church history, I received an undeniable  witness of the goodness of Joseph's heart, not his perfections or imperfections, because this is what concerns the Lord most. I believe our humanity is outweighed by the inner sanctum of our hearts.

Yes Joseph was flawed. He was young, uneducated and unwise as to the ways of the world. He perhaps didn't understand a lot of things and even acted foolishly. I don't know because I wasn't there and I didn't know him. But his doings or what the history records of him is of no consequence to me, it has nothing to do with my eternal progression. One thing I do know, I am glad that he was flawed. I am glad because it gives me hope that I too am acceptable by God.  It gives me hope that God will not overlook me in calling me to do His work despite my follies, blunders and weaknesses. If Joseph was perfect, I would feel I stood no chance because I could not live by the standards of another person's perfection.  I would have no hope of God's acceptance because perfection has so far eluded me. If other people could rise to perfection, there would be no hope for the rest of us. And I am glad that Joseph was not perfect because the only perfect being who I want to look up to is Christ. Because even with all my aspirations and my efforts, I have no power on my own to rise to the level of perfection that is required for eternal life. The only hope I have of ever achieving it is through the grace of Him who has descended below all things that He might rise above all things and receive power to lift me through His Infinite Atonement to life eternal (Revelation 5:12). It is the only way perfection can be reached. That journey begins and ends here.

We might ask ourselves why God does not interfere more in the works of men? Why does he not correct our faults and smooth over our blunders in more visible and obvious ways? Why does he allow the works of imperfect men to affect and hurt the innocent? When the Saviour comes again all governments will fall and the works of men will be counted as naught. The contrast between feeble accomplishments of men and His mighty work which will be brought about by the establishment of the peaceable and perfectly governed Millenium will be plainly seen. To what purpose? To turn our hearts towards the only way to salvation; to highlight His triumph over mortality and evil; to show that His Gospel will endure forever despite the weakness of men......He will come to make all things right and to wipe away all our tears and He will draw all men to Him that we might know that He is the light, the truth and the way; the Messiah, the Healer, the Prince of Life (Acts 3:15); the Rock of Heaven, the King of Glory, the Mighty One of Israel, The Great I am.

THE BELOVED

Have you ever wished to have a title added to your name? Have you ever wished to have a title added to your name that would describe your relationship with God? Abraham had 'a friend of God' attached to his name. What spiritual title would you like to be known by?  Sally, the disciple of Christ? Mary, the seeker of truth? Richard, the upholder of faith? Simon, the warrior of God?
My favourite book of the four Gospels in the New Testament is the Gospel of John, 'the disciple whom Jesus loved', as he referred to himself in his book. Jesus called him 'the son of thunder' (Mark 3:17) but he was and is best known as John The Beloved. I have a secret desire (I guess not so secret anymore) to meet John The Beloved because I think I could more intensely feel the Saviour's love just by simply being in his presence.  When I refer to John I simply refer to him as The Beloved. I am in awe of his name. Imagine having The Beloved tagged onto your name because it is so obvious to everyone that the Saviour loves you so much. This is the title that I want.

I see love permeating all of John's writings. Let me give you one example. Matthew and Mark wrote briefly of Christ's visit to the town of Bethany before His death. They both said that He was in the house of Simon, the leper, and 'a woman' came and anointed him with precious oil (Matt 26:6,7; Mark 14:3). Luke doesn't even mention the incident. John however, gives us a much clearer view and why it was important for it to be recorded properly. John records that six days before the Passover Jesus came to Bethany (John 12:1-3).  Why Bethany? Because in Bethany lived Lazarus and his sisters Mary and Martha. This is where Jesus was loved, comforted, accepted and believed so Bethany was his place of refuge. The Passover was imminent and it heralded the beginning of the end.  Imagine with what heavy heart Jesus came to Lazarus' house for the last time. And imagine what solace He felt as the woman who anointed Him was, according to John, not just any woman but Mary, who sat at His feet and hungered for His words of eternal life. It makes sense that Mary would be the woman who would anoint Him for his burial (John 12:7). Mary anointed not only his feet but his head also (Mark 14:3), 'an act of reverential homage rarely rendered even to kings' (James Talmage, "Jesus The Christ").  Mary spared no expense for the one she loved for she anointed Him with the costly ointment of spikenard. Lazarus' family was wealthy and well known to all the Jews in Jerusalem, especially to the Jewish Council who sought to kill him because Christ raised him from the dead which caused  many of the Jews to believe on Him (John 12:10-11). And did Lazarus withdraw his hospitality and shun Jesus because his life was in jeopardy? No. We can only surmise it was because he loved Him.  So you see He was in a house of love before He began His journey to His death. John wrote this. He made special mention of it because I believe it was important to him to record that even though Christ was despised, bruised and rejected, He was also loved.

None of the other gospels speak of the discourse on love that Jesus delivered at the Last Supper but The Beloved's does. His account of the Last Supper begins with Chapter 13:1 in which he says 'He loved His own which were in the world and He loved them unto the end'. His account of the discourse of love which is related to the Sacrament and our remembrance of Him mentions love 22 times. John records the Saviour giving an amazing promise to all who subject themselves to the cleansing power of the sacrament and who are motivated through their love for Him to obey His commandments. The promise is that they can enjoy the literal companionship of the Father and the Son in this life (John 14:23). This is an amazing promise the Saviour made to those who love Him and keep His commandments. None of the other gospels record such an important promise, only John; the disciple who outran Peter to the sepulchre with a pounding heart harbouring hope against hope that the rumours were true, that He whom He loved, lived again (John 20:2-4); the disciple who loved Christ above all those that were given Him, loved Him so much that he desired to spend however long it took to stay on earth to bring souls unto Him (D&C 7:1-3). This is John the Beloved, who sat on the island of Patmos, alone, dejected and abandoned, but yet commissioned to write another book of love, the book of Revelation.

More than six centuries before John was even born, the Lord revealed to Nephi many of the things in the Book of Revelation but forbade him to write them down because they were reserved for John (1 Nephi 14:19-28). Could it be that John needed this revelation for himself more than even we needed it?  To me, it is as if the Saviour was saying to him: "You will be here a long time and you need to know everything that will happen while you are here but  be comforted John because I am coming back and when I come I will 'wipe away all tears....and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain...." (Revelation 21:4). Can you imagine seeing in a vision the sins and evils of this earth for thousands of years and than be given such hope of Christ's return who would reign in peace and harmony and love for a thousand years? What comfort that must have been to John who, like the 3 Nephites, would sorrow for the sins of the world during his sojourn in this dismal telestial world (3 Nephi 28:9). This is a story of love...love for one cherished disciple and love for all those who accept and follow Christ and have a hope of eternal life through the virtue of his atoning blood. While the Book of Revelation briefly covers the entire history of the earth, its' main focus is on the last days and Christ's triumphant return. It's whole purpose is to give us, who live here and now, hope of a better life, of Millenial peace, of triumph over evil. Why give us this hope? Because the evil in these last days that we are living with surpasses the evil of all the previous dispensations. It is this evil that He is coming to conquer and it is our tears He is coming to wipe.

I have had experiences in my life that have left me bleeding and convinced that love means pain. These experiences have come from different people and different periods of my life. From childhood abandonment to bitter disappointments from a wayward child. I know there are many, many people in the world who have loved and lost and have cried bitter tears because of it. One thing though I know for sure. The Saviour of the world will never break my heart. His love is constant and pure and If I remain faithful He will be there at the end of my journey ready to encircle me in the arms of His love. And maybe He will even call me 'The Beloved'.

A GLIMPSE UPWARD

I have carried with me a sense of powerlessness my whole adult life. I know I did not bring this with me from my pre-existance because I know instinctly this is not who I am. I am not a powerless person yet the sense of powerlessness has been the bane of my life and has held me back from my fullest potential and greater success in this life.  I consider my spiritual life well developed but anything of temporal nature has been a struggle for me and fulfillment in many ways has eluded me. This sense of powerlessness has damaged my self-esteem and robbed me of self-belief to the point that I have many times felt I have been a failure in my life. Recently the frustration of this noose around my neck reached its peak.

I have known for some time that this weakness had come to me from many generations of my family who were poor oppressed European peasants, that had existed from the time of the feudal system to socialism, and who believed they could never rise above their station in life. I had seen this powerlessness perpetrated in my family throughout my childhood and early adulthood in Europe. I have known my family's thoughts, their false beliefs and their words of affirmations that invited suffering into the lives of my immediate family. From the time that I have received the Gospel in my life, I have not been able to understand why I was born into this lineage. I am the different one, the one that seeks and knows and loves God. The one that has largely departed from my roots. My recent sense of frustration over my life sent me to my knees where through bitter tears I spat out to God that I hated my family and all the generations I have come from; that I hated who they were and what they have saddled me with. I had never expressed such venomous thoughts before, to myself or to others, let alone to God. I begged to understand why I was sent into this family and why I carried their burden.  Within half an hour of my prayer, my heart and mind were flooded with immense understanding.

When the Saviour said  'my sheep hear my voice' (John 10:27) he was referring to those who are so spiritually advanced that they  recognise and wholeheartedly embrace the truth when it is presented to them. Bruce R. McConkie taught it is a spiritual gift that was developed in pre-existance. I was 16 when I sought and immediately accepted the Gospel into my life. I count myself as one of His sheep. What has all this got to do with my ancestors? It was given to me to understand that those who are His sheep are often sent to families who need a spiritual shepherd to help them with their unbelief. I came to understand that the sense of powerlessness in generations of my family had blinded them to a 'hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal' (Moroni 7:41); that what once was a temporal has now become a spiritual stumbling block.  I came to understand that no amount of saving ordinances which I can do here in the temple can do anything for them unless this sense of powerlessness was removed  so they can believe that they can rise to godhood.  I came to understand that my long held desire to bring souls unto Christ had more to do with generations of my family than with any other people I can yield influence over living here during my life time. I came to  understand that it is up to me to eliminate this feeling of powerlessness in my life and therefore eliminate it from generations past and generations to come. This made me understand that what we do and overcome in this life reverberates throughout generations that have been and the generations that are yet to come; that it reverberates through the genetic cord which binds us and unites us in a collective effort to rise to our potential; that what we achieve and overcome here in mortality echoes throughout eternity. I came to understand that we are one and that the power to lift one another to higher ground that we might all become co-heirs with Christ is one of the greatest tender mercies of the Lord.

Living by faith is a hard road. Glimpses into heaven such as these however make the journey bearable and the road illuminated. They propel us upward and above the world. They open our hearts to the witness of the plan of salvation and the reality of our real home. They make us know who we are; that we belong to Him who has loved us and made us free, to Him who has prepared heavenly mansions for our eternal abode; Him who has spiritually begotten us as His sons and daughters; Him who has made the immortality and eternal life of man possible; the Saviour, the Redeemer, the Everlasting Father, the Almighty God, the Son of Righteousness, the Great I Am, the Lord of Glory, the King of Kings, the Stone of Israel. All glory be His forever.

"Hast thou not known?

Hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God,

the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth,

fainteth not, neither is weary? 

There is no fathoming of his understanding.

He giveth power to the faint;

and to them that have no might 

he increaseth strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, 

and the young men shall utterly fall:

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings as eagles;

they shall run, and not be weary;

and they shall walk,

and not faint."

- Isaiah 40:28-31

THE PRODIGALS

In my 40 odd years in the Church I have sat in many Sunday School lessons and heard the Parable of the Prodigal Son as found in Luke 15 rehashed many times. I have seen it looked at from the good son's perspective, from the Father's perspective and from the prodigal's perspective but all the views have missed the bigger picture which helps us to understand more fully what this parable is really about - Christ and His redemptive power. To me this parable highlights the intellectual genius of the Saviour more than any other because in it He covertly speaks about himself. The parable tells of a father who had two sons. The younger son grew restless and pleaded with the Father to grant him his inheritance so he could make his own way in the world away from his family. The father complied and gave him the monetary value that equaled his share of the assets he would have inherited upon his father's death. The son made some very unwise decisions and spent his inheritance on riotous living until he had nothing left and was reduced to living with swine and sharing their husks to assuage his hunger. Upon much reflection, he made a smart decision for once, to return to his father and beg a position as his servant knowing full well he could not receive another inheritance. However, his father welcomed him back into the family with compassion and joy and reinstated him as his son. When the older brother saw the celebration upon his brother's return he was outraged because he immediately assumed he would have to share his inheritance with his erring brother. The father however, assured him that his inheritance was intact and all that the father had belonged to him.

The father of this parable can in every way be symbolic of our Father in Heaven who respects our free agency and welcomes back anyone who returns to him with compassion, forgiveness and immense joy. The younger son represents us, the prodigals. We are on daily basis, bit by bit,  spending our inheritance through the sins of mortality and some of us will in the end, stubbornly, spend it all. The oldest and good son at first glance represents the penitent, covenant children who remain faithful and will inherit all the Father has.  However, the good son was also the first son so in a wider sense he represents the First Born of the Father, the Saviour himself, but with a huge difference. Whereas the parable's good son was reluctant and fearful he would have to share his inheritance with his brother, the Saviour, from the beginning, propagated and promoted His willingness to share the inheritance with his erring younger siblings. But the loving kindness did not end there. He offered His power to bring us back to the Father as well. The parable's good son never sought him who was lost, despite the kinship, despite the brotherhood, despite the Father's sorrow over his loss. What does this tell us about Christ and His willingness to lay down His life so He can bring us back through His atoning blood? Because of his perfect nature and the purity of His love, meaning there was no motive for self-advancement within Him, He was able to say: I will not only make it possible for them to come back, I will also share with them all that I have.

I have been spiritually faithful all my life, carefully guarding my inheritance, and whilst recognising that I, like everybody else am not free from sin, I had not fully resonated with the prodigal son until I realised that I, like him have made unwise decisions in my life, not exercising the power of foresight when I made them. Because every decision carries with it consequences and repercussions I have suffered much over the years because of them. For more years than I care to admit, these decisions had exhausted my feelings of self-respect and damaged my self-esteem perpetuating my lack of self-forgiveness. But the Atonement is infinite. It covers all sin and all foibles of mortality and its ensuing suffering, even that of bad decisions. And where there is repentance, there is forgiveness. Our sins have already been suffered for and forgiveness extended, in advance, so that we would not suffer beyond our repentance. Our repentance must include self-forgiveness because if it doesn't, we are in essence affirming that we do not fully believe what Christ can do and we do not fully accept the gifts of His Atonement. The Atonement is not only cleansing but also consoling (See "The Infinite Atonement" by Tad R Callister, p 205). Like a salve to a wound, it relieves the pain and heals the once broken, the once torn, the once damaged, the once suffering. To this I testify. Its' restorative power makes us whole and justifies us when we are judged according to our mortality. To be spiritually justified means to be once again aligned with God. It means all our sins, our bad choices and our unwise decisions can be swept away. It means the prodigals can return. It means they can once again be safe, be loved and never be lost again.

From the forgiving heart of Joseph Smith:
"At one point Oliver Cowdery had disassociated himself from the Church. Joseph was anxious that he repent and return. He instructed his clerk: 'I wish you would write to Oliver Cowdery and ask him if he hasn't eaten husks long enough'." (Smith, "Doctrines of Salvation", 1:227)