THE POWER OF TRIBULATION

 

Thy Will Be Done by Jay Bryant Ward

It was revealed to me a while ago that I was strong and fearless in my pre-mortal life but I suspect that I was so self-assured that I was bordering on being cocky.  I think I honestly thought I was going to ace it here on earth.

Being an idealist, I was attracted to the Church in my youth because it felt like I had found the principle that was going to give me power to become who I wanted to be and that principle was obedience. I thought through obedience to the Gospel laws I was to become this giant of endurance and strength in the face of evil, temptation and tribulation. Obedience became everything to me. I did well enduring trials for many years so then my goal morphed into something else – dying with amazing achievements under my belt and going home in triumph. I was going to return home with honour.

What I didn’t realise is that honour lies in un-glamorous attributes such as endurance, repentance, humility and compassion amongst others. Honour lies in what you become and not in what you have achieved.  Never did I expect that an invisible monster called pain would come to live on my back with its claws in my flesh and would have so much power over me. This monster has taken me on a roller coaster of struggling emotions and has robbed me of motivation to achieve anything on more days than I care to admit.

I have always admired Job because he was a ‘strong person’ in the midst of his tribulation but now that I understand that monster that was on his back too, what I think he stands for the most is the proof of the reward of his endurance. More of that as we study the book of Job.

“Enduring ‘well’ means passing the breaking point without breaking, having cause to be bitter – as men measure cause – without being bitter. Enduring ‘well’ means the disciple in the very trough of his difficulties avoids, as Job wisely did, having ‘charged God foolishly’.”  (Neal A. Maxwell, Meek and Lowly, p 115)

We are told that we are here to walk by faith but I would say that the higher path of faith is trust.  It is easy to believe in God but it is not easy to trust Him. For instance, King Mosiah of the Book of Mormon tells us that unless we submit to ‘all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon us’, even as a child submits to his father, we can never overcome the natural man (Mosiah 3:19). This is a hard doctrine that asks of us an exorbitant amount of trust in the process that will refine us and make us rise above the mortal self to eternal glory. Job understood this when he said regarding his suffering: “when he hath tried me I shall come forth as gold” (Job 23:10). This is trust, when you can accept your extreme suffering believing it will be for your ultimate good.

When we can trust in a God, we cannot see, and His plan for us, which we cannot remember ever agreeing to, that is ultimate trust. I am a firm believer of freedom of choice that existed even before this life but I didn’t know our freedom to choose determined the course of our earthly lives to such an extent as it does. This was confirmed to me just recently when I asked God if my illness was in my life’s plan and received an answer I did not expect:  “Yes. You chose it over mental illness. You wanted to keep your brain so you could understand the doctrines of the kingdom and teach it to others and so you could bear witness of Christ.”

This revelation made amazing sense of my life. The next day I reflected on it and realized the exact nature of that choice I made so long ago.  I remembered my physical illness runs in my family as does dementia. I think I was told when my plan was devised that these two illnesses will be in the genetic legacy of my family and I was given the choice as to which one I would prefer to suffer. I chose the monster and I know my choice went beyond my desire to keep my mind.

Trust was the major component of our willingness to come to a world of suffering. Our trust in the saving grace of the Atonement of Jesus Christ would have been supreme before we came. No sane person would accept a painful plan with the risk of being lost, without a sure way of eventual escape. It would be like entering a tunnel knowing there is no exit at the end. We knew that the Saviour could do it and would do it. Trust is also double sided. The Father’s ability to send us to temporary affliction shows His utmost trust in His Beloved Son and the process of the Atonement, knowing full well that because of it we would survive.

When I entered my stage of illness I became very introspective of my life. Somehow I felt I was to blame for the hard life I was given but a realization came to me that I followed my heart in all my major decisions and steps I took and I realized I was being guided and I responded to that guidance with trust. Knowing that freed me from self-accusation. I am learning now to accept submission in this the hardest leg of my journey…..and I’m hearing clearly the agony of those famous words coming from Gethsemane: “nevertheless not my will but thine be done” (Luke 22:42)

I viewed my life as hopeless pieces

And shame consumed my fragile heart.

I questioned every move and every choice;

I berated; I gave no value to any part.

Not until my trust consumed me

And my will to heavens flew

Did solace nestle in my soul

And such freedom as I never knew.

 

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

REMEMBERING GETHSEMANE

 

Gethsemane-Sketch by Liz Lemon Swindle

I bent my knee today to Thee,

And You listened very carefully.

My heart split open,

And You could see

One still worthy of her destiny.

 

I marvelled how quick

You wiped my slate so clean

And so gently said to me:

I understand your mortal suffering,

I met you in Gethsemane.

- Cathryne Allen 

KAHLIL GIBRAN ON PAIN

The Master Potter by Paige Payne

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your 

understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart 

may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily

miracles of your life,

your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your heart, 

even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass your fields.

And you would watch with serenity through the winters

of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you

heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in

silence and tranquility;

For his hand, though heavy and hard,

is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been

fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His

own sacred tears.

- Kahlil Gibran

 

GLORIOUS GRACE

 

Some of my regular readers will know that I have been in acute pain for almost two years. The lessons I have learnt in that time have come deep and fast. For that alone my suffering has been worth it.

The doctors I consulted outlined the medical path which would end in surgery. I didn’t want to get to that point and over the counter pain medication was not doing much. Being heavily invested in scriptures, and having been impressed with healings in Jesus’ day, I decided that I would also be healed.

Even though I have not seen any miraculous healings in the Church, I reasoned we have the priesthood and there are many scriptures that speak of healing in our dispensation (D&C 35:8,9; 42:48-51). I became perplexed that we, the Church members rely more on the medical profession than we do on the priesthood and concluded that most of us lacked faith to be healed and I was going to be different. I fasted for three days and asked my ministering brother to heal me. The blessing came but without a healing. I had five subsequent priesthood blessings over time and no healing. I concluded that none of the brethren had the courage to say: “rise up and walk” (Acts 3:6).

From there I decided to appeal to God to heal me himself. I was certain that we had the right to be healed just like people of the past and one day I would wake up without pain. Months went by and no healing and I was getting worse but I kept persisting thinking all I needed was the faith of the Brother of Jared…..I was sure I did not need to go down the medical path.

When I started questioning God and His mercy for me then a certain scripture came to me with incredible force: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5). I knew straight away that I had mis-understood. With that realisation came the proper understanding in two parts.

The first was that the miracles of the past had a specific purpose for that time and that today we cannot be ‘a Church of miracles’ as some evangelical ministries claim today. If we were, people would flock to the Church exclusively for this purpose and not for the eternal truths and salvation the Church represents. Even in His day, Jesus admonished some who were healed to ‘tell no man’ (Matthew 8:4; 9:30) and rebuked some for coming to Him for this purpose alone.

The second was about grace which came to me in the form of another scripture: “it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” (2 Nephi 25:23). I understood in that moment that I had not done all that I “could do” by seeking all the available help and understanding of my condition. I didn’t want to put in any of the work needed on my part. I wanted the magic wand.

The second part was the most important lesson of all. All that I was taught was not really about miracles or healing. God merely used this stage of my life to teach me about grace for one reason….He wanted me to remember on my darkest days when mortal exhaustion of pain sets in and I am tempted to distrust my power of endurance, that grace will only secure my salvation in the end ‘after all I can do’…….this was about enduring to the end….no matter what….at all cost.

I still believe in miracles because I believe in the God of miracles who is the same yesterday, today and forever and ‘ceaseth not to be God’….(Mormon 9:8-10,19)

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Reflections of Grace by Ivan Guaderrama)

BLESSED SORROW

 

When I was a very enthusiastic convert in the Church at 18 years of age, I was convinced that if I was obedient to the Gospel teachings, my life would be a dream, a picture of perfection, devoid of hardship and pain. This of course, never happened.

Very seldom do we reflect on our first parents to remind ourselves of the reality of life. I read an amazing poem this week, which left me in tears, written by Arta Romney Ballif called “Lamentation” in which she imagined Eve’s experience of losing her two sons. The poem depicts her cries for understanding and through it, her quest to know God, something we all experience. The poem is long but I have edited it lightly for the sake of this post:

God said, “BE FRUITFUL, AND MULTIPLY”

And God said, “I WILL GREATLY MULTIPLY THY SORROW”

Thy sorrow, sorrow, sorrow –

I have gotten a man from the Lord

I have traded the fruit of the garden for fruit of my body

For a laughing bundle of humanity.

 

Adam, where are the boys?

Where is Abel?

He is long caring for his flocks.

Are the ewes lambing in this storm?

 

Why your troubled face, Adam? Are you ill?

Why so pale, so agitated?

Dead?  What is dead?  Merciful God!

 

I am trying to understand.

You said, “Abel is dead.”

But I am skilled with herbs….

Herbs will not heal?  Dead?

 

And Cain? Where is Cain?

Listen to that thunder.

Cain cursed?

God said, “A fugitive and a vagabond?”

But God can’t do that.

They are my sons, too.

I gave them birth in the valley of pain.

 

This is his home

This the soil he loved

Where he toiled for golden wheat

For tasseled corn.

 

To the hill country?

Quick, we must find him

I worry, thinking of him wandering

With no place to lay his head.

Cain cursed? A wanderer, a roamer?

 

Abel, my son dead?

And Cain, my son, a fugitive?

Two sons Adam, we had two sons

Both – oh, Adam – multiply sorrow.

 

Dear God, why?

Tell me again about the fruit.

Please tell me again,

Why?

“Ultimately, the gospel of Jesus Christ was not given us primarily to PREVENT our pain. The gospel was given us to HEAL our pain. That is the promise of the scriptures: the Atonement not only heals us – it can sanctify our trying experiences to our growth.

“Our doctrine is not just that adversity can help us learn and grow; rather, it is that Christ, because of what flows from the redemption, gives us the power to make weak things strong, to sift beauty from the ashes of our lives.”

-          Bruce C. Hafen, “The Belonging Heart”, p 90-1

- CATHRYNE ALLEN

(Art: Eve by Rose Datoc Dall)

PURPOSE

 

Over the years I have had revelations that had given me clarity about my life’s difficulties but this morning I was given such clear understanding that it made me reflect on our purpose here at a deeper level.

I am beginning to see that salvation is not an individual responsibility but a collective effort to save the human family. We are not single entities but links in a chain that binds us together in the Plan of Salvation. Some of us might never survive without the efforts of those around us.

And here is an important component of this principle. We cannot strengthen others without having had experience in difficulties ourselves which give us compassion, empathy and wisdom. Alma is a great example of this. Alma became the single greatest missionary in the ancient Americas who baptised ‘thousands of souls’ (Alma 4:4,5)

He could never have obtained his zeal for relentless missionary service had he not faced the jaws of hell during his 3 days of repentance (Alma 36:6-24; 43:1). His amazing sorrowing for people was born walking through the fire of his own experience with sin ((Alma 7:5; 8:10,14; 31:1,2,30,31; 35:15).

One of the greatest lessons I learnt from the Old Testament is about being a link in the chain. As ancient Israel conquered cities before them, lands were appropriated to them for their settlement. Among the first to receive land were the tribes of Reuben, Gad and half of Mannesah. They settled in the land of Gilead which divided them from the rest of Israel by the river Jordan (Numbers 34:14,15; Deuteronomy 3:12,13; Joshua 22:9).

After they had assisted in further conquest of the land, Joshua sent them back to Gilead to live peacefully in their newly appointed inheritance. Upon their return home, these tribes built an altar by the river Jordan. When the rest of Israel heard of it they were outraged presuming the altar was built for idol worship.

These three tribes had to defend themselves by explaining the altar was built to be "a witness between us that the Lord is God" (Joshua 22:34) and that even though they were geographically divided from the rest, they were still a link in the chain. They knew that if they turned to the worship of other gods, the ripple effect would be detrimental to the spiritual salvation of the whole House of Israel.

My greatest lesson in all this is my belief that the difficulties we go through are not just for our benefit but for a human being we might have the ability to save. We are the under-shepherds and saviours on mount Zion following in the footsteps of the greatest healer who did the same by taking upon himself our infirmities that His bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh that He might know how to give relief and aid to the human family in their suffering (Alma 7:12).

I am just now beginning to understand the willingness of Him who embraced pain for our sake…..

Next time you are suffering through something, know there might be a greater purpose….

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Knock and Ye Shall Receive by LDS Art)

A SAFE HARBOUR

"I am convinced that no soul has ever been whipped into this mortal existence, that each one of us came willingly, cheerfully, and gladly; even though we might have known that we were to inherit a body that was crippled, maimed and deformed, still we were glad to come....

We know that it meant sorrow, pain, and ultimately, death, and yet we rejoiced in the prospect to come.

We saw beyond the valley of the shadow of death, with all of its pain, with all of its suffering, the grand vistas of the eternities, providing for man's eternal and endless progress, on, up and up, until we should attain unto what God is. Yet we knew that we could never ascend until we had descended and had been given a mortal tabernacle, and the union of the spirit and body had become an accomplished fact.

So by the attraction of it all we came gladly and willingly, for our eyes were not so much centered upon the sorrows and troubles of life as upon the grandness of that which lies beyond."

(Melvin J. Ballard, Sermons and Missionary Services of Melvin J. Ballard, p. 179)

A somewhat adequate similitude of the journey of this life would have to be the found in the early pioneers of this Church who trekked across the plains, mountains and rivers in an effort to arrive at a home that promised a valley of peace and liberty. It can be supposed that they too began their journey with enthusiasm and purpose, knowing that the home they sought was a quest that could not be left unconquered. So strong was their commitment to arrive at their destination that they risked all facing 'sickness, heat, fatigue, cold, fear, hunger, pain, doubt and even death'. So many of us look back at the pioneers and exclaim that we could never have endured what they did. Such extremes are unfamiliar to us for very few of us experience extreme physical hardships. Instead we bask in comparative prosperity of modern day living and technology which 'shower us with security, entertainment, instant gratification and convenience' (President Dieter F. Uchdorf, All Is Well, Ensign July 2015). However, equal to the physical hardships of the pioneers are the spiritual ones we of the final hour face today with many of us standing on thin ice trembling with gripping cold hoping to make it to the safety of the shore. Surely the pioneers are looking down on us exclaiming they could never endure the challenges and stress we live with each and every day. The pioneers acquired many attributes on their fated journey which kept their fires of courage burning but none sustained them like their trust in God for whom they sacrificed their all. It is this trust which brought success for no one but He could enable them to swim to the safety of the shore.

"Many today feel troubled and distressed; many feel that, at any moment, the ships of their lives could capsize or sink. It is to you who are looking for a safe harbour that I wish to speak today, you whose hearts are breaking, you who are worried or afraid, you who bear grief or the burdens of sin, you who feel no one is listening to your cries, you whose hearts are pleading, 'Master, carest thou not that I perish? To you I offer a few words of comfort and of counsel. Be assured that there is a safe harbour. Your Heavenly Father - who knows when even a sparrow falls - knows of your heartache and suffering. He loves you and wants the best for you. Never doubt this. While He allows all of us to make choices that may not always be for our own or even others' well-being, and while He does not always intervene in the course of events, He has promised the faithful peace even in their trials and tribulations." (Joseph B. Wirthlin, 'Finding a Safe Harbour', Ensign May 2000)

To whom will we liken God and where else will we find refuge from the raging storms but the Creator of the ends of the Earth? He who gives power to the faint, and to them who have no might, He increases strength. For we that wait upon the Lord will renew our strength; we shall mount up with wings as eagles; we shall run, and not be weary, and we shall walk, and not faint (Isaiah 40)...... He shall wipe all tears from our eyes (Revelations 21:4).....and encircle us in the arms of His love (D&C 6:20) for there is no end to His compassion, mercy and love and no end to His understanding. For 'He comprehendeth all things, and all things are before Him, and all things are round about Him; and He is above all things, and in all things, and is through all things, and is round about all things; and all things are by Him, and of Him, even God, forever and ever' (D&C 88:41). The promise is sure, if we draw near unto Him, He will draw near unto us; if we seek Him diligently, we shall find Him; if we ask, we shall receive; if we knock, it shall be opened unto us (D&C 88:63). Who else then can we trust and where else can we turn for peace but the Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6) for He alone has the might and power to calm the troubled seas so we can reach the shore. The sight of it should ever be before us, even as we are buffeted by the storms of life, for as we so long ago longed to ascend, we agreed to first descend; as we eagerly left, we promised to return. Armed with the power of God, the icy storms can never prevent our fingertips from feeling the edge of the shore.

"Hear, O ye heavens, and give ear, O earth, and rejoice ye inhabitants thereof, for the Lord is God and beside him there is no Savior. Great is his wisdom, marvelous are his ways, and the extent of his doings none can find out. His purposes fail not, neither are there any who can stay his hand. From eternity to eternity he is the same, and his years never fail. For thus saith the lord - I, the Lord, am merciful and gracious unto those who fear me, and delight to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth unto the end. Great shall be their reward and eternal shall be their glory" 

(D&C 76:1-6)

BEAUTY UPON THE MOUNTAINS

"How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!"   (Isaiah 52:7)


Imagine a world without telephones, email, internet and postal service. How would you feel if an event of huge importance happened and you were eager to relay such to those you knew who were in places afar? This is exactly what the world used to be like. Anciently messages were always delivered on foot by runners. There was great honour associated with carrying good news as the following example shows:

"In 490 BC the Athenians had miraculously defeated a much stronger force of invading Persians on the Plains of Marathon. Pheidippides was selected to carry the good news back to Athens. The fleet runner ran the grueling 25 miles as fast as he could. Upon reaching the walls of Acropolis, Pheidippides cried out, 'Rejoice, we conquer!' and promptly fell dead." (Webster's Word Histories, p. 291)

No need to further speculate where the term 'marathon runner' comes from. Isaiah considered those privileged to carry the most meaningful messages to have beautiful feet and none were more beautiful than the feet of the Saviour who indeed brought good tidings and published salvation, who proclaimed to Zion, 'They God reigneth'.

"The Spirit of the Lord...hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek;...to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives...to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion.....beauty for ashes." (Isaiah 61:1,3)

There are no 'good tidings' that surpass those that Isaiah proclaimed in above-mentioned scripture. Why? Because this life is a vale of sorrow that we all must pass through but there is a power that can bind the brokenhearted and 'appoint unto them that mourn...beauty for ashes'. This is the greatest message Isaiah gives on behalf of Him who has cried our tears and known our sorrows. In today's world where we are buffeted by so much evil, sorrow and pain, the Saviour's message brings immeasurable hope for those weighed down beyond the breaking point with self-doubt, broken heart and spiritual fatigue.

The Saviour's mortality of pain and sorrow qualified Him experientially to understand the brokenhearted but the power of His Atonement qualified Him to bind the brokenhearted: "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53:3,4).

Imagine what it was like for Jesus to go through this mortal life with the responsibility of establishing Himself as the promised Messiah and Saviour of the world. What mockery and ridicule He would have suffered as a man born in a stable to a woman who was pregnant before she was wed, a carpenter and a man of no educational and political significance and notoriety. The derision He suffered led to severe persecution and ultimate rejection: "Jesus experienced tragedy and sorrow throughout his life. Member of his own family did not accept him as the Messiah at first (John 7:5). People in his home town sought to kill Him (Luke 4:16-30). His countrymen, the Jews, rejected his messianic calling (John 1:11). One friend betrayed Him; another denied knowing Him (Luke 22:48, 54-62). In the end, 'all disciples forsook Him, and fled' (Matthew 26:56) and His enemies demanded His crucifixion (Matthew 27:22-23)" (Old Testament Student Manual, 1 Kings-Malachi)

Aside from the pain and sorrow of His personal life, the Saviour experienced and suffered every sorrow, pain and anguish of not just each of us on this earth but of all his creations of all the worlds He has created: "His Atonement is infinite...in that all humankind would be saved from never-ending death. It was infinite in terms of His immense suffering. It was infinite in time, putting an end to the preceding prototype of animal sacrifice. It was infinite in scope - it was to be done once for all. And the mercy of the Atonement extends not only to an infinite number of people, but also to an infinite number of worlds created by Him. It was infinite beyond any human scale of measurement or mortal comprehension. (Russell M. Nelson, "The Atonement", Ensign, Nov. 1996, p. 35)

Is it any wonder that an angel attended Him to strengthen Him as He carried our every burden and every sorrow? Elder Merrill J. Bateman described the heaviness of 'carrying of sorrows' it would have been for Him in the fated garden of Gethsemane: "For many years I thought of the Saviour's experience in the garden and on the cross as places where a large mass of sin was heaped upon Him. Through the words of Alma, Abinadi, Isaiah, and other prophets, however, my view has changed. Instead of an impersonal mass of sin, there was a long line of people, as Jesus felt 'our infirmities', bore our griefs....carried our sorrows...and was bruised for our iniquities....He learned about your weaknesses and mine. He experienced your pains and sufferings. He experienced mine. I testify that He knows us. He understand the way in which we deal with temptations. He knows our weaknesses, But more than that, more than just knowing us, He knows how to help us if we come to Him in faith." (Merrill J. Bateman, "A Pattern for All", Ensign, Nov. 2005, p 74)

Should we hesitate to seek the healing power of Him who experienced our pains and sorrows that come from sin, inadequacy, weakness, addiction, mental illness, affliction from others, physical illness, handicaps, poverty, divorce, death and every other painful condition of mortal life? He who has known and felt every feeling of our hearts has the power to make us whole. He is the Balm of Gilead, the only one who pleads our cause before the Father, who desires to save us and exalt us to eternal glory that awaits the faithful: "Listen to him who is the advocate with the Father, who is pleading your cause before him - Saying: Father, behold the sufferings and death of him who did no sin, in whom thou wast well pleased; behold the blood of thy Son which was shed, the blood of him whom thou gavest that thyself might be glorified; Wherefore, Father, spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life" (D&C 45:3-5). The Saviour pleads with the Father for us on the basis of His righteousness, not ours, but we have claim on His righteousness because of our faith in Him. The power to save is all His and the power to heal is also His. Is this not the greatest news and the greatest message that should be carried to all the ends of the earth?

"Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that th everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth...giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eages; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faith." (Isaiah 40:28-29,31)