OF GENERATIONS

 

I remember hearing a story years ago about a woman who had the habit of cutting off the end of the leg of lamb before baking. When she was asked why she did that she said her mother always did it so she thought that was the right way to bake lamb. When the mother was questioned she said her mother always did it so she thought that it should be done. When the grandmother was questioned she said she didn’t have a roasting pan big enough so she had to cut off the end of the leg. The things we pass on stays in us…..

I have many times recognized things about me that were intergenerational beliefs, attitudes and programming. Many of my European inclinations and characteristics became quite obvious in contrast to the western society norm when my family moved to Australia. I had to change some things about myself to fit into my new environment.

While I was growing up in Croatia, I was very aware of the animosity that existed between the Croats and Serbs. I am sure it went back to the land somehow but nobody of my generation or even my parents’ generation understood why exactly we weren’t supposed to like each other. Even though my parents didn’t fully understand, they were, nevertheless, quick to promote their disdain because it was expected.

We are very much the sum of those who went before us…..the generations whose blood runs in our veins. We are the inheritors of their personalities and characteristics, good or bad. On a personal level, I remember seeing my mother more than once in tears saying: “God created me to suffer.”  And yes I have focused on a lot of my suffering in life because of that. Like mother, like daughter. I also picked up her propensity to criticize others. To this day I am vigilant about this flaw.

I come from generations of poor peasants who lived under the feudal system and then under socialism. My paternal grandmother had six children. When one of them died in infancy she said: “Well, that’s one less mouth to feed.” I never saw this grandmother smile in my whole life. The generations of poverty mentality, likewise, has followed me around for most of my life. Not that I am rich now, but I no longer care.

There are a number of places in the scriptures where God says: “I will visit the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me” (see Deut 5:9,10; Exodus 20:5,6). It puzzled me why the children would have to be punished because of the sins of their fathers. I came to realise with time that hate very much gets passed down from generation to generation. It begins with someone but never ends with them and it evolves into a serious sin. A classical example is the Middle East.

Generational flaws and sins can end with any generation and this is how. When we are born into this world, we take upon ourselves our father’s name. When we are spiritually born through baptism, we take upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ. We become CHRISTians. King Benjamin explained this means that we become ‘the children of Christ’. He mentions the importance of having Christ’s name 11 times in 6 verses of Mosiah 5 (V 7-12). Why is this important? Because, just as we are genetically predisposed to inherit physical and mental traits of our earthly fathers, so we, when we take upon ourselves the name of Christ, and live his teachings, inherit His spiritual qualities. In other words, we become like Him by the virtue of our newly acquired parental bond (Moroni 7:48). This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘you’re just like your father’, does it not???

I know love existed in the generations of my family. Europeans are passionate people. I have inherited that quality from them. I think deeply and I feel deeply. The memory of them ties me to my homeland. I look forward to meeting those whose names I only know on paper, when I pass on to next life. I want to shower them with love and bring them to God who has given me meaning and understanding of my humanity. I want to resolve their long-held prejudices that have robbed them of their potential. I want to tell them they were not born to suffer.

 

Your life has come and gone

But your footprints remain

And your blood courses through my veins.

I know your smile and your frown

Though we have never met.

They are worn by my children

As gems in family diadem;

You are the root

That reaches the branches,

I am the stem that paves the way.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art Unknown)

A MOTHER'S ANGUISH

 

With Mother’s Day coming up, I am mindful of women who greet this day with broken hearts:  women who have lost children, women who have never had children, and women who have wayward children. I fall in the last category, very often wondering what I could have done better in my life to have prevented the troublesome life of my daughter.

I worried for a long time that I have not been a better parent to my children and also that my parents were not better parents to me.  I have agonised over the issues and hang ups that have followed me from my childhood and weaknesses and incorrect teachings and false thinking that have been passed down to me by my parents. 

Likewise, I have worried about all the bad 'stuff' I have passed on to my children.  I read many years ago about 'intergenerational sins' and how easily we can pass them on to generations of our posterity, seemingly innocent weaknesses and faulty thinking that somehow end up being serious stumbling blocks to someone down the line.  In other words, how we live not only affects us but many others whose lives we impact. It’s a sobering and frightening thought. This well-meaning parable of the lost sheep sears my heart:

“Twas a grown-up sheep that wandered away from the ninety and nine in the fold.

And out on the hilltops and out in the storm twas a sheep that the Good Shepherd sought,

And back to the flock and back to the fold twas a sheep that the Good Shepherd brought.

Now why should the sheep be so carefully fed and cared for still today?

Because there is danger if they go wrong, they will lead the lambs astray.

For the lambs will follow the sheep you know wherever they wander, wherever they go.

If the sheep go wrong, it will not be long till the lambs are as wrong as they.

So still with the sheep do we earnestly plead for the sake of the lambs today,

If the lambs are lost what a terrible cost some sheep will have to pay.”

-        Author Unknown, A variation of C.C. Miller’s “Parable of the Lost Sheep”

If you feel the weight of this message, know that the hope lies in the second sentence. There is someone on your side invested in your responsibility of parenthood. The Good Shepherd can feed you to rise to the greatest work you will ever do in your mortality, that of being a parent. And when you stumble, He will pay the price for your parental flaws. A close friend of mine shared with me the truth of this that has brought some peace to my heart:

“I have often thought of my parental failing in the middle of the night. One night as I was thinking of these failings I thought that one day I will have to pay for them. I wanted to pay for them but as I thought that, the Saviour’s voice came into my mind, “I have already paid for them”. Tears of comfort whenever I think of this.”  

Be comforted. Whatever the pain in your heart, the Good Shepherd will heal your wounds. 

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: The Good Shepherd by Chris Brazelton)