True faith
can never show its strength in the absence of resistance. Resistance comes when
nothing is going right, when your pain is at its highest level, when fulfilment
of God’s promises is slow in coming, when your friends sew doubts in your mind,
when God seems far away and you feel abandoned…..
Resistance
comes when your trust in God needs to be tested. I discovered that you can have
faith in God and His existence and even in a multitude of proofs of His love
but you can still waver in your trust of Him. For fifty years since I joined
the Church, I thrived in my faith in God and then my health was taken away and the real
test came. The resistance manifested itself through trust. I had to ask myself
many times if I trusted in everything I believed about Him.
In Lecture
3 of Lectures On Faith, Joseph Smith said that “three things are necessary in
order that any rational and intelligent being may exercise faith in God unto
life and salvation”: 1. The idea that He actually exists; 2. A correct idea of
His character, perfections, and attributes; and 3. An actual knowledge that the
course of life which he is pursuing is according to His will.
Some years
ago I decided to follow up on this advice and studied the Book of Mormon that
year looking for the Saviour’s attributes and traits within its pages. I wanted
to know Him. I wrote what I came across in the margins of the book. When I had
finished I flicked through the book and I found two particular attributes on
just about every page. They told me that the Saviour was merciful and that He always
fulfils His promises.
Trusting
the mercy has been an easy one but fulfilment of promises is much harder, for two
reasons…..1. we do not know HOW He will
fulfil His promise as our ways are not God’s ways (Isaiah 55:8) and 2. We do
not know WHEN the fulfilment will come as the Lord works on a different time schedule
for ‘all is as one day with God and time only is measured unto men’ (Alma 40:8).
When the
promised something is not happening, especially when you are in dire need, the
resistance steps in whispering doubts. I have been there, I know. Instead of
stepping up my faith in the face of resistance, my faith has wavered through
questions such as: do I really know Him? Do I really trust Him? Does He really
love me? Does he want the best for me? Well, yes that last one could go either
way. He always wants the best for you and you might not know how that best is
going to play out in the fulfilment of his promise. Another consideration is
that His priority is our eternal ‘best’ opposed to the ‘best’ here and now.
I have a
testimony that the strength of our faith indeed brings about rewards from
heaven. When I was going through my divorce some years ago, I was in terrible
emotional pain. It felt like it was going to rip my chest open. That was the
time I delved into the scriptures and studied about the Atonement because I was
convinced that only God could take that pain away.
For weeks I
prayed ‘through my faith in Jesus Christ and the power of the Atonement’ for a
healing of my broken heart. Every time I experienced a wave of pain throughout
the day, I would utter the same prayer calling upon the power of the Atonement
to heal me. Never once did I think it could not happen or that it would not happen.
My faith was infallible despite the unrelenting pain. I persisted and persisted and after some weeks
the pain was gone. All my negative emotions towards my ex-husband disappeared
and I was able to embrace him and his new life and move on with mine.
Some years
ago I was going through a difficult time and as I was studying the scriptures one
day, looking for answers, into my mind came a voice which said: “You were
fearless in your pre-mortality.” I was
rather stunned and answered: “It was easy then. Here it is harder because I
have to walk by faith.” The voice came back: “Nevertheless, this is what is
needful. This is why you are here. You cannot become gods without faith which creates
reality.”
- CATHRYNE ALLEN
