THE WISH

 

I look back on my upbringing years in Croatia during the 60s with great fondness. A large part of my gratitude goes to the Catholic Church for giving me my foundation of faith in God. I cannot separate my memories of my country from my Catholic upbringing. It was so much a part of my youth. I was the one in my family that attended Church services and confessions. It was an entire culture of my upbringing and all I knew of life.

At the end of the street we lived in was the cemetery with our local church. That cemetery with the church was the focal point of our neighbourhood. We had to walk through it to get to three other streets. In one of those streets was my school so the cemetery and the Church became my daily visit. School was divided into two shifts, the morning shift and the afternoon shift. The afternoon shift didn’t end until 6 pm. In winter, when the sun went down early, it was an interesting walk home….

I never looked at the cemetery with morbid attitude. I am a poet and I feel deeply. I knew graves with poetic and heart rendering prose on the gravestones. I knew where children were buried and I knew which graves were visited often. All Saints Day was one of my favourite times of the year. The cemetery came alive with visitors coming and going all day and at night the place was alight with candles. It was magical.

The cemetery was also our playground with luscious grass to configure the clouds in our minds and to simply get together with friends and play. This is where we smelled the first sign of spring with the violets and new flowers born after the snow had melted. It also heralded one of my favourite times of the year – Easter. Easter Sunday found us at Church with our baskets of food for the priest to bless. Christmas was another. Buying presents was not the custom I was ever familiar with. What I looked forward to the most was the nativity scene in our Church. Christmas was all about Jesus.

When my family moved to Australia in my early teens, my world changed. As I saw beyond my little Croatian town, my thinking and wondering went into overdrive. By the time I was 16, I was asking serious questions like, ‘what is the purpose of life?’ and  ‘why am I here on this planet?’ I realized that the Catholic Church did not have a lot of answers.

I found the answer to my purpose in life when I was 17 years old, in the doctrine of a church I had heard about, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is called The Plan of Salvation. It blew me away with its simplicity and truthfulness. It taught me that I lived with God in pre-earth life as a spirit and that I was born into mortality to one day be resurrected to immortality and live with God again. And not just to live with Him but to become like Him, who is a resurrected, exalted God.

In this Church, I found Christ. He was no longer someone out of my reach that I believed died for me but a personal Saviour of my soul, with a kinship going back to the life I lived before. My association with Him deepened over the years. The more I learnt of Him, the more of an idol He became. I know I wanted to be like Him before I was even born because He was and is the path to my eternal existence.

I know who He is, He is ……the bread of life (John 6:31,51), the light of the world (8:12), the good shepherd (10:11,14), the resurrection and life (11:25), the way, the truth and the life (14:6). He is also the potter and we are the clay in His hands (Isaiah 64:8). He makes of us what we can never become on our own. He is the Master builder and the Master healer of our souls. He is our only hope of salvation and there is none else (Isaiah 43:10-11; 45:5,6,14,18,22; 46:9; Deut 4:35,39; 5:8; 1 Kings 8:60; D&C 76:1; 2 Nephi 25:20; 31:21; Moses 6:52)

I had a memory from my pre-earth life some time ago. I was sitting with the Saviour and He was saying to me: “I will save you and I will make up for everything.” When I cry my tears, it’s a memory to hold onto.

 

When in the realms of heaven

You asked me what in mortality

I wanted to be,

It was so easy, I said I wanted

To be like Thee.

 

You warned me of the suffering

That would have to equal in measure

To what you would suffer for me;

That my life would not be easy

But that You would

make up for everything.

 

Now I am here,

I fear the refiners’ fire of the kiln

When Your potter hands are moulding me

But I try to be the woman I was who said

She wanted to be like Thee.

 

Some days I want to change my wish

I am not worthy to bear my suffering,

But then I notice the chains

around my heart are broken,

and I remember:

You will make up for everything.

 

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Spring of Life by Chris Brazelton)

Chris Brazelton - Official Website