RIVER OF MY TEARS

 

God of Wonders by Yongsung Kim

You seemed so far away,

My hope of rescue grew into fears,

Oh how my heart rejoiced

When I found You

 in the river of my tears!

- Cathryne Allen 

A STEP OF FAITH

 

Never before had a fisherman stepped

Onto the waves of the sea.

He knew how quickly they could

Take him into the depths of the deep.

But the Master had bid him come

And he ached to be with Him.

 

Like Peter of old, I fear to step

Out of the rocking boat,

I fear losing the ground beneath my feet.

 

I see Him in the distance,

His hand outstretched waiting for me,

I too long to be with Him

But the waves try so eagerly to swallow me.

 

The boat rocks and seeks to destroy me,

I cry my tears of daily pain

And I wonder if anything of me will remain.

 

I wait for Him to come to me to rescue me

And like Peter deliver me from the depths

Of the raging sea;

I hear Him say:

“To know yourself,

YOU have to come to ME.”

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Step of Faith by Michael Malm)

 

WILLINGNESS TO OBEY

 

There is a rather sad story in Doctrine and Covenants involving a man called James Covill who was a minister for forty years.

In short, James Covill came to Joseph Smith, like many others, wanting a revelation from God as to what God wanted him to do. By this action alone, he affirmed he believed Joseph to be a servant of God. In fact, he believed so strongly that he made a covenant with God that he would obey whatever he was told to do.

Unfortunately, James Covill had done this before ‘many times’ but because of pride and cares of the world he never followed through but kept pursuing a path that would give him acceptance of the world (v 9).

Herein enters the Saviour’s mercy. He gives James Covill another chance. In fact, he calls it ‘his deliverance’ from his lack of weakness to obey (v 10). He tells him to be baptized and move to Ohio to build up the Church there. In return, the Lord promised him ‘a blessing such as is not known among the children of men’, twice (vs 10,15).

James Covill rejected the revelation given and returned to his former principles and people. One wonders what kind of a blessing he missed out on. Whatever it was, it was conditional. President Harold B. Lee related this to us in his conference talk of October 1972:

“I sat in a class in Sunday School in my own ward one day, and the teacher was the son of a patriarch. He said he used to take down the blessings of his father, and he noticed that his father gave what he called ‘iffy’ blessings. He would give a blessing, but it was predicated on…..’if you will cease doing that’. And he said, ‘I watched these men to whom my father gave the ‘iffy’ blessings, and I saw that many of them did not heed the warning that my father as a patriarch had given them, and the blessings were never received because they did not comply’.”

President Lee continued saying that he took notice of warnings that Joseph had given through revelations to men like “Thomas B. Marsh, Martin Harris, some of the Whitmer brothers, William E. McLellin, warnings which, had they heeded, some would not have fallen by the wayside…and some had to be dropped from the membership of the Church.”  (Ensign Jan 1973, p 107-8)

The Saviour explained that James Covill “received the word with gladness, but straightway Satan tempted him; and the fear of persecution and the cares of the world caused him to reject the word” (D&C 40:2).

If only James Covill had remembered this and had pondered its warning and its promise: “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10).

Rejecting blessings is bad enough but rejecting deliverance at the Lord’s hand is worse. One shudders to think what his outcome was when you read this: “Wherefore he broke my covenant, and it remaineth with me to do with him as seemeth me good” ( D&C 40:3).

- CATHRYNE ALLEN

(Art: Time to Ponder by Greg Collins)

HEAVENLY DELIVERANCE

 

There existed in ancient America a secret society which proved to be the cause of affliction to the Nephites and the Lamanites alike. The founder of this society was a man called Gadianton but the principles that upheld his society were of a far more ancient date (3 Nephi 3:9, Moses 5:29-31). Indeed the mastermind behind the whole operation was far more clever, apt and evil than Gadianton could ever hope to be. We know this personage as Lucifer, Satan and the Devil. We see him in the obviously destructive paths but also in more subtle ways as he moves in respectable circles and hides behind deceptive and seemingly good elements that form the fabric of a society.

Just eight years prior to Christ's visit to the ancient America, this band of Gadianton robbers, under the leadership of Giddianhi, sought to annihilate the Nephite nation. Under the guise of politeness and goodwill, and using flattery, feigning concern and making false promises, he wrote to Lachoneus, the governor of the land and demanded the surrender of the Nephites and their lands. Lachoneus refused and proceeded to prepare his people for impending battle. Lachoneus was a man of God so even though he prepared his people physically, his wisest move was to prepare them spiritually (3 Nephi 3:15,16). The people obeyed and when Giddianhi descended upon them with his armies, their immediate reaction was to 'lift their cries to the Lord their God, that he would spare them and deliver them out of the hands of their enemies' (3 Nephi 4:8). 

When the battles were won and deliverance assured, Nephites' cries once again ascended to the heavens but this time in praise and gratitude knowing 'it was because of their repentance and their humility that they had been delivered from an everlasting destruction' (3 Nephi 4:33).

This particular portion of Nephite history is important because it provides us with the perfect formula for deliverance from the enemy who seeks to destroy our peace. This formula runs in this sequence: humility - repentance - supplication - deliverance - gratitude.

We live in a world ruled by the Prince of Darkness.  Like Nephites of old, we should know that there is only one sure place where we can find salvation from his destructive forces robbing us of peace and his intended eventual destruction. The recognition of the Lord's power to deliver and our dependence on Him, should be the precursor of putting our lives into order sufficiently enough to qualify for the powers of heaven to be released on our behalf.

Sometimes we may wonder how we can repent of the very thing that is beyond our capability to forsake and that we are supplicating the Lord for. Repentance might not always mean discontinuance of the wrong things we are doing but the right things we are omitting to do, such as more regular and fervent prayer, seeking the spirit, having faith, regular scripture study, or more committed Church attendance. In other words, we must be found doing what we can to qualify for heavenly help. There has to be effort and exertion towards righteousness and yielding our hearts to God…..the omittance of which, by the way, can also be classed as sin. How? Because it is in violation of the first and greatest commandment to love God with all our heart, mind and strength (D&C 59:5).

The times are dark but we are brighter still……

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Jesus In The Midst of Serenity by Ivan Guaderrama)

JOSEPH THE PROTOTYPE

 

There is an interesting perspective on Joseph of Egypt in The Old Testament Pseudepigrapha which contains the Testaments of the Twelve Patriarchs. These ancient writings are not approved by the Church so they are not doctrine but this story of Joseph offers some tender considerations. 

 

In the Testament of Joseph, he writes this: “For my brothers know how much my father loved me, yet I was not puffed up in my thoughts. Even while I was a child I had the fear of God in my heart, for I understood that all things pass away. I did not arouse myself with evil design, but HONOURED my brothers, and out of regard for them even when they sold me I was silent rather than tell the Ishmaelites that I was the son of Jacob, a great and righteous man.” (p 822) 

 

Joseph goes on to say that the Ishmaelites, who his brothers sold him to, did not believe that he was a slave because of his comely and well-kept appearance but Joseph assured them he was because he did not want to bring disgrace upon his brothers for what they had done. When the Ishmaelites left him in Egypt with a trader until their return and he fell into possession of Pentephris, the third in rank of Pharaoh’s officers, Pentephris also didn’t believe that Joseph was a slave yet Joseph persisted in this erroneous story. And here the story thickens and just blows my mind. When the Ishmaelites returned to Egypt and caught up with Joseph again they told him they discovered who he was: a son of a great man in Canaan who is mourning greatly for his son in sackcloth and ashes and demanded of him that he admit who he was,  for they feared that Jacob would avenge himself on them. Joseph merely replied: “I know nothing, I am a slave” (p 823). Imagine his return to his father and his home within his grasp yet Joseph’s one concern was that he did not want to dishonour his brothers and bring disgrace upon them. This seems very plausible when you consider the importance the  ancients placed on honour (Genesis 37:9,10). If this story is true, Joseph’s integrity is astounding. 

 

Because of his integrity, at great personal cost , Joseph saved the rest of his father’s children and thus became a great prototype of the Saviour. This prototype is also seen in his willingness to forgive his brothers for the suffering they had caused him, as is his acceptance of that suffering which was for a greater good (Genesis 45:5-8). 

 

When we sustained the Father’s Firstborn as our Saviour, we had full confidence in the integrity of His character. We knew without a shadow of a doubt that He could and would save us, without fail. We knew no matter how bitter the cup, He would drink it;  no matter how excruciating the pain, He would suffer it; no matter how dark and wide the jaws of hell, He would deliver us from it and no matter how scarlet the sin, He would forgive it. This Easter, may our hearts turn to Him in repentance for the suffering we had caused Him and may we in return, consecrate our hearts to Him now and forever. 

 

I stand all amazed

That You would offer Your sinless heart

For every sinful soul.

That You would deem us worthy 

And still suffer so.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN

Art: Finding The One by Matthew Warren

THE THIEVES OF PEACE

There existed in ancient America a secret society which proved to be the cause of affliction to the Nephites and Lamanites alike. The founder of this society was a man called Gadianton but the principles that upheld his society were of a far more ancient date (3 Nephi 3:9, Moses 5:29-31). Indeed the mastermind behind the whole operation was far more clever, apt and evil than Gadianton could ever hope to be. He was and is a thief in the night who comes to 'steal, kill and destroy' (John 10:10) and uses mortal men as his puppets to wreak destruction upon individuals, societies and nations. We know this personage as Lucifer, Satan and the Devil. We see him in the obviously destructive paths such as drugs, sexual depravities and murderous dispositions among individuals and leaders of nations and terrorists. However, his methods of destruction are subtle more often than not for he also moves in respectable circles and hides behind deceptive and seemingly good elements that form the fabric of a society.

Just eight years prior to Christ's visit to the ancient America this band of Gadianton robbers, under the leadership of Giddianhi sought to annihilate the Nephite nation. Under the guise of politeness and goodwill, and using flattery, feigning concern and making false promises, he wrote to Lachoneus, the governor of the land and demanded the surrender of the Nephites and their lands. Lachoneus refused and proceeded to prepare his people for impending battle. Lachoneus was a man of God so even though he prepared his people physically, his wisest move was to prepare them spiritually (3 Nephi 3:15,16). The people obeyed and when Giddianhi descended upon them with his armies, their immediate reaction was to 'lift their cries to the Lord their God, that he would spare them and deliver them out of the hands of their enemies' (3 Nephi 4:8). When the battles were won and deliverance assured, Nephites' cries once again ascended to the heavens but this time in praise and gratitude knowing 'it was because of their repentance and their humility that they had been delivered from an everlasting destruction' (3 Nephi 4:33).

Why was this particular portion of Nephite history important enough to be included in the pages of The Book of Mormon? Because it provides us with the perfect formula for deliverance from the thieves of peace. This formula runs in this sequence: humility - repentance - supplication - deliverance - gratitude. Contrast this story of Nephites' victory with the story of ancient Israel. When the Lord issued commandments and instructions for their conduct at the start of their deliverance from Egypt, He assured them that He will be 'their God' (Exodus 29:45). And He wanted to be, desperately, but Israel was far from being humble and obedient and as a result they landed themselves in bondage over and over again. Their history is a monument to stupidity and obstinence. When they cried for a king to rule them despite all the battles the Lord won for them, Jehovah, the God of heaven and earth, who has all power to deliver both spiritually and physically, out of His infinite mercy acquiesced saying to the bewildered Samuel: "Hearken unto the voice of the people in all that they say unto thee: for they have not rejected thee, but they have rejected me, that I should not reign over them" (1 Samuel 8:7). One cannot even imagine with what heaviness of heart the Saviour would have uttered these words. Those who are His true disciples would understand this because they believe Nephi's declaration that "...He loveth those who would have Him be their God" (1 Nephi 17:40).

We, who live in the modern world, still live with the Gadianton robbers. They infiltrate our society in many ways and seek to destroy our peace. Their labours affect all aspects of human life. They are 'conspiring men in the last days' (D&C 89:4) who harbour evil designs in their hearts for the purpose of getting gain. They do Satan's bidding and seek to "steal, kill and destroy". Their works are secret and the fruits of their labours become the silent thieves of peace resulting in suffering of the populace at large, which suffering comes to us by way of stress, worry, anxiety, depression, financial burdens, grief, sorrow, poor health, bondage of addiction, fear, to name a few. Like Nephites of old, we should know that there is only one sure place where we can find salvation from such destructing forces. The deliverance assured, the formula the same: humility - repentance - supplication - deliverance - gratitude. The recognition of the Lord's power to deliver and our dependence on Him should be the precursor of putting our lives into order sufficiently enough to qualify for the powers of heaven to be released on our behalf. Sometimes we may wonder how we can repent of the very thing that is beyond our capability and that we are supplicating the Lord for. Repentance might not always mean discontinuance of the wrong things we are doing but the right things we are omitting to do, such as more regular and fervent prayer, seeking the spirit, having faith, regular scripture study, or more committed Church attendance. In other words, we must be found doing what we can to qualify for heavenly help. There has to be effort and exertion towards righteousness.

When your moment of retribution came in the garden of Gethsemane, the Saviour saw and felt your life; your pains, your tears, your struggles, your stresses. He knows the thieves of your peace and He has power over them but you must believe and acknowledge that belief on bended knee. In fervor of hope He calls: "Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden and I will give you rest" (Matt 11:28). We who answer that call know Him as -

The Great Deliverer
The Son of God
The Lord of Hosts

The Lord of Glory

The Son of Righteousness

The Stone of Israel

The Holy Messiah

The King of Glory
The Everlasting Father

The Prince of Peace

The Holy One

The Eternal God

The Saviour

The Mighty One

The Great I am

"for I am the Lord that healeth thee"

- Exodus 15: 26

A LESSON IN SELF-FORGIVENESS

In his day, Alma the Younger became a living testament of the Saviour's power of deliverance.  Not because He forgave him for his sins and saved him from spiritual death, which He certainly did, but because He freed him to become a great man.

After Alma came out of his three days of torment he immediately began to preach of Christ's mercy and His power to save. So much was he consumed with the fervor of saving souls and making amends for his wickedness that he laboured amidst 'much tribulation, being greatly persecuted by those who were unbelievers, being smitten by many of them' (Mosiah 27:32). In other words, Alma got busy following his forgiveness and he got busy doing good. Nowhere in the scriptures does it say that he moped around and agonised over his past sins and felt bad about himself.   How was Alma, a seasoned sinner who persecuted the saints and sought to destroy the Church of God not feeling guilty about what he had done? When recounting his experience to his son Heleman, he informs him of an extremely important end result of forgiveness that He received from the Saviour when he called upon His mercy: "And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more" (Alma 36:19). When he awoke from his spiritual ordeal he proclaimed: "My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched, and my soul is pained no more" (Mosiah 27:29).

One of the definitions of the word 'harrow' in the dictionary, is 'distress of mind' or to 'disturb painfully'.  What Alma is saying when he speaks of his experience is not that he forgot his sins but that the memory of them no longer distressed him and that the Saviour took away the painful state of mind these sins are capable of inducing.  And why did He do that?  Surely, Alma, having been one of the 'very vilest of sinners' (Mosiah 28:4) deserved to feel bad about what he did for longer than three days.  But Alma did feel bad.  He suffered the godly sorrow asked of every repentant sinner, an intense sorrow, a sign of a broken heart and a contrite spirit, which cast him into the very 'gall of bitterness' (Alma 36:18).  Obviously the Saviour didn't require more than that of Alma.  He did not require him to live in the past by beating up on himself for what he did.  What He did require of Alma was for Alma to become a great man.  A man who would be an instrument in His hands to convince others of His great power to save.

Alma, who once went about with the intent to destroy the Church became Alma who led the Nephite armies in battle, who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons, who was spat upon by the unrepentant, who dumbfounded an anti-christ, who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance (Alma 4:4,5), who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma 45:19).  Alma certainly did become that great man that the Lord needed.

The true sign of repentance is never just forsaking one's sins but allowing the purifying power of the Holy Ghost to create 'a new man in Christ' within us and with this new man becoming a profitable servant of God.  This is true fruits of repentance.  The sons of Mosiah and Alma understood that just forsaking their sins was not enough but that good works should follow their repentance. In Ammon's own words: "Yea, he that repenteth and exercises faith, and bringeth forth good works, and prayeth continually without ceasing - unto such it is to know the mysteries of God; yea, unto such it shall be given to reveal things which never have been revealed; yea, and it shall be given unto such to bring thousands of souls unto repentance, even as it has been given unto us to bring these our brethren unto repentance." (Alma 26:22)

Out of all of his labours, none is greater than Alma's continual attempt to convince people of Christ's power of deliverance.  He did this through whatever means he could, even willing to suffer extreme physical hardship to be able to teach this principle to others.  We read in Alma chapter 8: "And Alma went forth and also Amulek, among the people, to declare the words of God unto them; and they were filled with the Holy Ghost. And they had power given unto them, insomuch that they could not be confined in dungeons; neither was it possible that any man could slay them; nevertheless they did not exercise their power until they were bound in bands and cast into prison.  Now, this was done that the Lord might show forth his power in them" (Alma 8:30,31). The significance of this cannot be lost on us for the deliverance from physical bondage of Alma and Amulek was not only useful to demonstrate God's power but it served as a metaphor for spiritual deliverance that the Saviour is capable of.

When you look at Alma and his life, do you see a broken man with a past or do you see a powerful prophet of the Lord?  If you are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins, you are missing the person that you could be.  If you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you.  In this state you are no good to anyone, not to yourself, not to God, not to your fellowman.

If you consider yourself a bad person because of your past and do not possess inner peace, you will eventually start seeking that peace elsewhere.  And some things and places you may end up in on that search have the potential to take away your focus and to distance you from God. When we seek peace in wrong places we tend to attract situations and people that end up confirming to us our belief that we are not good enough. When that confirmation comes, it is just a matter of time before we return to our former sins. Instead of becoming powerful as a result of forgiveness, we become powerless giving over our power to our former sins. We then fall short of true repentance.

If self-forgiveness has not closed the circle of your repentance, you will continue to be 'harrowed up' by your sins and peace will elude you. In examining Alma's life it is plain to see he acquired that peace in two ways.  The first was by acknowledging Jesus Christ's mercy and power to deliver him from the anguish of his soul.  The second was being anxiously engaged in the Gospel.  It is not enough to just stop doing the wrong things.  This does not invite the spirit into your personal spiritual space so it can heal you.  Abstaining from your sins is only the beginning of repentance.  What comes after is what brings about the change of heart and gives you lasting peace. It is nourishing the seed of faith and cultivating the spirit that matters just as much as forsaking of the sin, if not more. Sins create spiritual wounds.  Like all wounds, they need to be healed (see Elder David A. Bednar's talk, We Believe In Being Chaste, Ensign May 2013). The body has a natural ability to heal physical wounds but spiritual healing can only happen spirit to spirit.

"The precise nature of the test of mortality, then, can be summarized in the following question: Will I respond to the inclinations of the natural man, or will I yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and put off the natural man and become a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord (see Mosiah 3:19)? That is the test. Every appetite, desire, propensity, and impulse of the natural man may be overcome by and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ" (David A. Bednar, We Believe in Being Chaste, Ensign May 2013). Herein lies hope. Herein lies our potential to become. Herein lies our salvation.

If you have repented of your sins but can't let go of them, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. The adversary wants nothing more than for your sins to continue to have power over you, even after you have forsaken them.  But that power is really yours and only you can decide how it will be used.  Your forgiveness is not complete until you leave your remorse, like Alma, on the altar of repentance. The power of the Atonement can complete this process.  Believe in it, trust it, ask for it.  The Lord has work for you to do and He is waiting.