As I awoke this morning, a
question came into my awareness: what would I like to wake up to every morning?
Immediately a barrage of rosy answers came to mind: a body without pain, no difficulties
that need to be addressed, something nice to eat without guilt, something
pleasant to look forward to, no retrospection, no self-judgment, no regrets, in
short, a much better life than what I have. I knew deep down, what I wanted was
peace and that peace could be obtained in a much shorter way – compliance to
this world of opposites.
And this world of opposites is
what I battle with each day. I have done so for most of my life. The tragedy
lies in the difference of time. When I was in my young adult years, I could
balance the down moments with single pleasures like the pages of the latest
book I adored or an uplifting movie within my sights or a visit with a friend.
I was full of idealism then. I knew that one day I would ride off into the
sunset on a white steed with a man of my dreams. Today I re-assess my life a
lot and wonder why I made the choices I made which have brought me to the
difficulties I face each day. The idealism has evaporated into realism I struggle
with.
A glimmer of delight amidst the
gloom: when I awoke this morning, I was greeted with “Good morning” in the
recesses of my mind. You will think I am crazy but I know that God spoke to me
this morning. A simple hullo to greet the day I know is going to be far from
perfection I would like. This hullo, however, is a reminder to me that I have earned
the attention of Him who understands me like no one else does. I often feel
judged and misunderstood by my peers. It’s part of my personality. It has made
me recede into myself in this last part of my journey. My greatest critic is myself….but God deems me
worthy of a ‘good morning’ so today I am grateful for that…..
As
the sun bursts through the morning light
It
reveals You in the depths of my heart.
Gratitude
overwhelms me
For
Thy enduring patience
Of
my inconsistent delight;
My
erratic trust,
My
feeble faith in Thy might.
I
marvel You wait
In
the shadow of my stubborn heart
And
reach out to me in mercy
to
fulfil Thy part.
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