Back in
2024 I read the October General Conference talk by Elder Brook P. Hales
entitled “Mortality Works” and I sobbed, not because of any new fresh
perspective, but because of the sheer, raw admittance that this life is incredibly
hard.
I cried
reflecting on my own life and the many, many times I wished I could be free of
it and I learnt that it is ok that I felt this way. Over the years I have chided
myself for not being valiant enough to want to be here in this world of
suffering and have envied those people who tenaciously cling onto life even
when they are sick or incapacitated. Right now I am both of those things and
feel like I am in a cage. I have learnt a great deal through this crucible of
my life. The lessons have been unrelenting as has the suffering.
At times I
have reflected on the unfairness of it all. Had I not been faithful all my
life? Had I not sacrificed and served and given all I could of myself to the
cause of truth? And yet my life resembles only one of my expectations I brought
here with me. I am learning right now to
accept unfairness. Once I am there completely, I will up that expectation of
myself to be willing to submit to the crucible of this life. I imagine once I
succeed, my end will come.
Isaiah
wrote a lot about the unfairness of the Saviour’s life labeling Him ‘a man of
sorrows’ (Isaiah 53:3). This title does not relate to just His suffering for us
but to His entire earthly life which was the most unfair one of all. There is another
scripture though which speaks to me the most regarding this unfairness in which
Isaiah quotes that He was not rebellious and did not turn back from His
crucible but instead He went to it willingly and ‘gave His back to the smiters’
not hiding ‘from shame and spitting’ (Isaiah 50:5,6). It’s the acceptance of
it that speaks to my heart.
Herein is
the unfairness of life of the one sinless man: His family didn’t believe in Him
at first (John 7:1-5); His countrymen were offended by Him (Mark 6:3); He was
rejected by his home town of Nazareth, the citizens of which sought to kill Him
(Matt 13:53-58; Luke 4:13-30; Mark 6:1-6); the Jews accused Him of being born
of fornication (John 8:41); the Jewish Council considered Him possessed of the
devil and sought to kill Him (John 7:19, 20); He had no permanent home of His
own (Luke 9:58); one friend betrayed Him and another denied knowing Him (Luke
22:48, 54-62); all His disciples forsook Him and fled (Matt 25:56; His enemies
demanded His crucifixion (Matt 27:22-23).
And all
this before He would descend into the bottomless pit of human agony in the
‘valley of humiliation’ as He took upon himself the crucible of the “most
wretched of all sinners” and “descended beneath the cruelest tortures devised
by man”:
“His
downward journey encompassed the transgressions of those who ignorantly sinned;
it incorporated the quantum of suffering unelated to spiritual error, but
nonetheless viably acute in stinging proportions – the agony of loneliness, the
pain of inadequacy, the suffering of infirmities and sickness. In the course of
his divine descent He was assaulted with every temptation inflicted on the
human race.
“If the
totality of human suffering and anxiety could be categorized, it might be
broken down as follows: first, suffering caused by sin; second, suffering that
flows from innocent transgression of the law; third, suffering related to
infirmities, weaknesses, inadequacies, or trials that have nothing to do with
sin or transgression; fourth, suffering or anxiety necessitated by the exercise
of faith. The scriptures are replete with evidence that the Saviour did not
exempt himself from any of these but rather faced each of them “square on”. (Tad R. Callister, The Infinite Atonement, p
104-5)
And indeed
He also had to experience the unfairness of mortal life so that He could
understand ours. How degraded He must have felt by this crude archaic backward
life after leaving His throne on high! Imagine a god in his own right being rejected,
spat upon, beaten, reviled and crucified naked by mortal weaklings for the sake
of their sinful souls. Is there a greater unfairness than this?
In all
honesty, I don’t know how I would react if I was asked right now, in the midst
of my suffering, if I could take on the burdens of one other person. Yes, the
load of Christ’s suffering was relative to His power but it leaves me wondering
how small my power must be if I could not bear one inch more of what I am
enduring for myself.
The unfairness
of Christ’s life is beyond my comprehension. My consolation is that in my darkest
hour, my wish to escape is honoured by the God who is the most acquainted with
grief . His compassion is ever affixed and His desire to lift us higher ever
present. He understands and He suffers with us through it all. Yes, because of
Him, mortality works.
Oh, the pain that seared Your heart
As you encountered human misery
On the dusty roads of Galilee!
You embraced it all so lovingly
And took it with You to the hill of
Calvary.
You, who ached for our misery,
became the beacon of hope
For all who accept Your godly
suffering.
- CATHRYNE ALLEN
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