THE POWER OF SELF-FORGIVENESS

 

That I May Heal You by B. Laura Wilson

There are two worthy examples of the principle of self-forgiveness in the scriptures and the power that can come from it and they are Apostle Paul and Alma, the son of Alma from The Book of Mormon.

Paul, who considered himself ‘the least of the apostles’ and not worthy to be called such because he persecuted the church of God (1 Corinthians 15:9) became the greatest missionary in the meridian of time and one of the foremost leaders of the Saviour’s Church. When I study his epistles I am amazed at the grand scale of his growth, the depth of his understanding of the doctrine of Christ and his repeated testimony of the only source of our salvation.

He will forever be remembered as a spiritual giant among men and here is why. Even though Paul testified about God’s grace vehemently and gave credit to it for what he became (1 Corinthians 15:10), he would have had to at one stage forgiven the man who misled him to offend God, and that man was himself. I believe he arrived at that place of self-forgiveness when he could in clear conscience say: “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7). Paul, after years of unrelenting, selfless service became a beacon of hope for all sinners.

Alma became a living testament of the Saviour's power of deliverance.  Not only because Christ forgave him for his horrendous sins and saved him from spiritual death but also because He freed him to become a great man.  After Alma came out of his three days of torment he immediately began to preach of Christ's mercy and His power to save (Mosiah 27:32). Nowhere in the scriptures does it say that he moped around and agonised over his past sins and felt bad about himself. 

Alma became a great example of someone who had his guilt ‘taken away from his heart, through the merits of God’s Son’ (Alma 24:10). Alma, who went about with the intent to destroy the Church became Alma who led the Nephite armies in battle, who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons, who was spat upon by the unrepentant, who dumbfounded an anti-Christ, who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance (Alma 4:4-5), who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma 45:19). 

I learnt something about self-forgiveness recently. Sometimes we can give our imperfections power over us as much as our sins and not realise they too are deserving of self-forgiveness.  I have led a pretty good life, carefully avoiding serious sin but I have been very hard on myself because I have not been ‘perfect’ in mortality. I consider all my imperfections,  weaknesses and my very humanity as my ‘earthly indignities’.

As a result of my unwillingness to forgive myself for the minutest things, I have carried inside me a self-deprecating picture of myself, a belief that I am not ‘good enough’, for much of my adult life. It is just now that I am beginning to understand that it doesn’t matter so much what I used to be like, what matters the most is what I have repented of and changed, and as a result continue to become.

The Saviour who forgives understands mortality. This was the whole point of His earthly ministry. You might say He experienced mortal life at ‘ground zero’ because He ‘descended below all things that he might comprehend all things’ (D&C 88:6). What things? Our difficulties, our sorrows, our sins, our imperfections, our sufferings, our inabilities, our mortal weakness…..the ultimate comprehension coming through the Atonement where He came to understand what it is to be you and me.

If you are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins and the negative things you have allowed to define you, you are missing the person that you could be.  If you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you.  In this state you are not good to anyone; not to yourself, not to God, not to your fellowmen.  If you consider yourself a bad person because of your past and do not possess inner peace, you will eventually start seeking it elsewhere.  And some of the places you can end up in have the potential to distance you from God forever.

When you look at Paul and Alma, do you see broken men with a past or do you see powerful servants of the Lord?  If you have repented of your sins but can't let them go, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. The adversary wants nothing more than for your sins to continue to have power over you, even after you have forsaken them, because he hopes one day you will return to them.  Your forgiveness is not complete until you allow the Saviour to take away your remorse. The power of the Atonement can complete this process.  The Saviour can extend mercy, He can forgive, He can make of you a new person, He can wipe your slate clean. Believe it, trust it, ask for it.  The Lord has work for you to do and He is waiting.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN  

LIFE

 

Yesterday as I reflected about life and all it entails, I felt like we have been sent down to hell. I reflected on terrible evils that we live amongst and all the suffering and agony some people go through. Terrible things presented themselves to my mind such as sexual abuse of little children and I was reduced to tears. I couldn’t stop crying.

I thought of the Atonement and I sought to understand why it only covers sins after they have been committed, why it could not have prevented some evils such as abuse of innocent little children so they did not have to suffer. Into my mind came a dimension of the Atonement I did not understand fully before: this life is not a life of prevention.

To my remembrance came a dream I had some years ago. In that dream I saw a newborn baby lying on a table. The baby was a girl and she was only a baby in physical appearance. She was in reality an adult who was speaking to two women that were there reluctant to cut the cord because of the pain it would cause. She was saying: “it’s ok, it will only hurt for a little while and then all will be well”. I knew this baby was me and I knew she was very cognizant of earth life and its purpose.

I knew yesterday as I reflected on that dream that we, who chose this second estate, also chose all the suffering that came with it because we knew it would be temporary and that after all the suffering, the Saviour’s Atonement would make us whole again……that He shall one day ‘wipe away all tears from our eyes and there shall be no more sorrow, nor crying, nor pain’ (Revelation 21:4).

I am amazed at the Saviour’s capacity to take upon himself all the human suffering. I am bewildered by His descent into the bottomless pit of human agony. So excruciating was the suffering He bore that it resonated into another continent causing the physical destruction and upheaval in ancient America.

The prophet Zenos prophesied of this destruction saying that ‘many of the kings of the isles of the sea were wrought upon by the Spirit of God, to exclaim: The God of nature suffers’ (1 Nephi 19:11,12). As I cried for the little children yesterday, I cried for Him too….

Oh the sweet, sweet agony

That tossed You onto the sea of

Merciless pain and suffering!

The nature shook

But silently wept eternity

Cradling in its arms Your glorious destiny.

 

I dreamed that You were waiting

At sweet Garden’s gate;

Your sacrifice complete,

Your promises kept,

I could scarce contain my joy

As in Your arms I wept.

 

You rose to heights unknown

To someone lowly like me.

You are now so high

And I am so low,

Climbing the ladder of my tears

Into Your arms that I will forever know.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN

(Art: Gethsemane by Danny Hahlbohm)

IN FAITH

 

“And she, seeing her act was not hidden from him by whose power she was now made whole, came forward – trembling, fearful, grateful – fell at his feet and declared to him and to all “for what cause she had touched him, and how she was healed immediately”. “Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole, He said, “go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.” (Mark 5:25-34)

And so it is in the surging throng of life. Many who are spiritually sick; who have had an issue of sorrow and sin, lo these many years…….many such are within arm’s length of the Lord and need only to reach out….to find His healing power.”

(Bruce R. McConkie, The Mortal Messiah Book 2, p. 296-7)

 

I will look for Thee in faith

My Lord and my God;

When I am oppressed,

When I am unloved,

When I am wronged.

 

I will look for Thee

When I can walk no more;

And I will find Thee,

My Lord and My God,

Thou who waits for those who call,

To renew their strength,

To save them from their fall.

 

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

 

(Art: Trust in the Lord by Liz Lemon Swindle)

 

OUR MISERY

 

Whenever I study the Old Testament, I am astounded by the Saviour’s willingness to rescue and deliver the children of Israel from the effects of their continuous round of apostasy and repentance. He did this for one reason, because ‘his soul was grieved for the misery of Israel’….(Judges 10:16).

We are told The Atonement was performed for each person individually and not for God’s children collectively. I myself cannot fully comprehend that but I do wholeheartedly believe it. I know that the Saviour sorrows for our individual weakened state of mortality and that the healing effects of the Atonement are truly efficacious individually because I have witnessed this personally in my own life. There was a time following my divorce when I thought the pain I was going through was going to consume me. I knew that no person or healing method on earth could deliver me from it and that the Saviour of all mankind was my only hope. My daily, and sometimes hourly, petitions were carefully worded to include my complete faith and trust in His power of deliverance. Not only was I healed but I was given the power to forgive. To this day I cannot hold a grudge and am quick to forgive anyone who wrongs me in any way. I know that only the Saviour could have gifted me this power because forgiveness is central to the perfection of His character.

I testify to you that your faith can access the Saviour’s merciful power to heal you, give you strength to overcome, and lift you, because He ‘feels your misery’. Believe it, pray for it, and see it. He will come to those who believe He is the one true and living God who can sustain, empower and deliver. You have nothing to fear from the debilitating and crushing effects of mortality. You, who are of the elect House of Israel, are meant for greater things. You are meant to be lifted and exalted. You are special. You are loved. You are counted on. Be comforted and believe.

• Cathryne Allen