We
are told in our ‘me, myself and I’ world that the greatest thing
we can do is to know ourselves. Most of us are not aware that there is someone
who knows us much better than we can ever know ourselves. I
had a very unusual experience once which proved this truth to me. As I was
reflecting on my joyless life one day, I found myself in my mind in front of
the great Judge, God the Father. He asked me three questions: How did you enjoy
your mortal probation? What do you think you learnt from it? How do you think
you did overall?
An
understanding like no other flooded my being that there was nothing I could
hide or tell half-truths about because He knew the very essence of my being: my
innermost thoughts and intents, my sins, my rebellious moments in response to
my sufferings, the times I had questioned Him and His goodness, my dislikes and
likes, my conduct, my earthly indignities, my ingratitude, everything that made
me tick….there was nothing, absolutely nothing about me or in me that He did
not know. Every time I opened my mouth, nothing would come out. I knew with
every fibre of my being that He knew the answer to every question before I
could form it in my mind.
I
felt like I was transparent before Him. He was not watching me but looking into
the very depths of my soul. It was as if He was the inner presence inside me. I
understood clearly as I understand that day follows night because I can see it,
that God is so inter-connected with His children that it defies our mortal
understanding. We, here and now, do not know and cannot fathom our spiritual
origin or the Father’s connection with His children. God is beyond our
understanding.
Then
hope flooded my being. I had nothing to say and would not need to. There was
someone else who saw into the very depths of my soul during the greatest moment
of suffering known to man. He who absorbed the totality of my life could and
would answer all the questions the Father would have of my conduct on Judgment
Day: my intentions, my achievements, my failings. He, the Advocate who suffered
for my soul would with His strength make up for my frailty (D&C 45:4-5).
And He would do it with mercy.
Elder
Merrill J. Bateman taught that the Atonement was an intimate, personal
experience through which Jesus Christ came to know us individually and perfectly:
“For
many years I thought of the Saviour’s experience in the garden and on the cross
as places where a large mass of sin was heaped upon Him. Through the words of
Alma, Abinadi, Isaiah and other prophets, however, my view has changed. Instead
of an impersonal mass of sin, there was a long line of people, as Jesus felt ‘our
infirmities’ (Hebrews 4:15), our griefs…carried our sorrows…and was bruised for
our iniquities’ (Isaiah 53:4-5).
“The
Pearl of Great Price teaches that Moses was shown all the inhabitants of the
earth, which were ‘numberless as the sand upon the sea shore’ (Moses 1:28). If
Moses beheld every soul, then it seems reasonable that the Creator of the
universe has the power to become intimately acquainted with each of us. He
learned about your weaknesses and mine. He experienced your pains and
sufferings. He experienced mine. I testify that He knows us. He understands the
way in which we deal with temptations. He knows our weaknesses. But more than
that, more than just knowing us, He knows how to help us if we come to Him in
faith” (A Pattern For All, Ensign or Liahona, Nov 2005, 75-76).
We
will come to know fully the meaning of grace and mercy when we are face to face
with the justice of the Father. We will know then who the Saviour truly is…a
sacrifice that none of us could give, a hope of salvation, another God we are
yet to comprehend.
- CATHRYNE ALLEN
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