INDIVIDUAL ATONEMENT

 

 

I was riddled with guilt for many years following my divorce because my children no longer had a father in the home. I felt their every hurt, every mishap, every difficulty, every wrong choice was my fault. Then a wonderful friend shared her experience of parenthood and it helped change my perspective. This is what she said:

“I have often thought of my parental failing in the middle of the night. One night as I was thinking of these failings I thought that one day I will have to pay for them. I wanted to pay for them but as I thought that, the Saviour’s voice came into my mind: “I have already paid for them.” Tears of comfort whenever I think of this.”

I realized when I read this that there are sins and actions we cannot truly repent of or apply restoration to because they are in the past and cannot be changed. If we could not go back in time to fix things, and yet accountability would still stand, our whole salvation would be at peril. But luckily the Saviour’s Atonement covers it all and makes the salvation possible for each one.

When the Saviour appeared to the Nephites post resurrection, He invited them to feel His wounds ‘one by one’ because He died for each one individually and not for the masses collectively (3 Nephi 11:15). It was as if He was saying to them: I see you, I know your individual lives, personalities, strengths and failings, you each matter enough to deserve the price I paid.

Many years ago I sat in Stake Conference and while we sang “Redeemer of Israel” I saw myself in my mind doing missionary work in my pre-mortal life. I knew then that I was one of the Saviour’s strongest supporters. I know I was very converted to the Plan of Salvation and that I wanted exaltation. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Saviour could and would give me both. I was convinced of it and I was excited about it.

Now that I have experienced the fall of my nature, the difficulties of mortality, the isolation from God, the suffering, the sorrow, my inadequacies and insufficient strength to rise to above them, I have perfect clarity and understanding of what exactly the Saviour has done for me: the payment to justice, forgiveness of all my failings, mercy and power of grace to raise me to perfection of my soul, and to bridge the gap of time and space between me and the Father. Some days I get so overwhelmed by it that I lack the ability to express the magnitude of my gratitude for His infinite sacrifice which grants me life eternal, a promise of which I carried deep within my heart so long ago.

The closer I get to God, the keener I feel my inadequacies. I have reflected on many situations in my life and I know I cannot fix the past. I can only be better today and tomorrow. And I can do one more thing, the most important thing…..I can live in the deepest gratitude of my soul each and every day for the Saviour’s redemptive power and I can express it with love in my heart for Him, a desire to follow Him and commitment to honour Him.

I worshipped You in heaven

As my Saviour and my King,

I knew Your holy suffering

Would pay for everything.

Now I am here in my mortal frame

I am amazed at the price You paid

For the value of my name!

 

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: The Good Shepherd by Gabriel Heaton)