A MOTHER'S ANGUISH

 

With Mother’s Day coming up, I am mindful of women who greet this day with broken hearts:  women who have lost children, women who have never had children, and women who have wayward children. I fall in the last category, very often wondering what I could have done better in my life to have prevented the troublesome life of my daughter.

I worried for a long time that I have not been a better parent to my children and also that my parents were not better parents to me.  I have agonised over the issues and hang ups that have followed me from my childhood and weaknesses and incorrect teachings and false thinking that have been passed down to me by my parents. 

Likewise, I have worried about all the bad 'stuff' I have passed on to my children.  I read many years ago about 'intergenerational sins' and how easily we can pass them on to generations of our posterity, seemingly innocent weaknesses and faulty thinking that somehow end up being serious stumbling blocks to someone down the line.  In other words, how we live not only affects us but many others whose lives we impact. It’s a sobering and frightening thought. This well-meaning parable of the lost sheep sears my heart:

“Twas a grown-up sheep that wandered away from the ninety and nine in the fold.

And out on the hilltops and out in the storm twas a sheep that the Good Shepherd sought,

And back to the flock and back to the fold twas a sheep that the Good Shepherd brought.

Now why should the sheep be so carefully fed and cared for still today?

Because there is danger if they go wrong, they will lead the lambs astray.

For the lambs will follow the sheep you know wherever they wander, wherever they go.

If the sheep go wrong, it will not be long till the lambs are as wrong as they.

So still with the sheep do we earnestly plead for the sake of the lambs today,

If the lambs are lost what a terrible cost some sheep will have to pay.”

-        Author Unknown, A variation of C.C. Miller’s “Parable of the Lost Sheep”

If you feel the weight of this message, know that the hope lies in the second sentence. There is someone on your side invested in your responsibility of parenthood. The Good Shepherd can feed you to rise to the greatest work you will ever do in your mortality, that of being a parent. And when you stumble, He will pay the price for your parental flaws. A close friend of mine shared with me the truth of this that has brought some peace to my heart:

“I have often thought of my parental failing in the middle of the night. One night as I was thinking of these failings I thought that one day I will have to pay for them. I wanted to pay for them but as I thought that, the Saviour’s voice came into my mind, “I have already paid for them”. Tears of comfort whenever I think of this.”  

Be comforted. Whatever the pain in your heart, the Good Shepherd will heal your wounds. 

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: The Good Shepherd by Chris Brazelton)