A MOTHER'S ANGUISH

 

With Mother’s Day coming up, I am mindful of women who greet this day with broken hearts:  women who have lost children, women who have never had children, and women who have wayward children. I fall in the last category, very often wondering what I could have done better in my life to have prevented the troublesome life of my daughter.

I worried for a long time that I have not been a better parent to my children and also that my parents were not better parents to me.  I have agonised over the issues and hang ups that have followed me from my childhood and weaknesses and incorrect teachings and false thinking that have been passed down to me by my parents. 

Likewise, I have worried about all the bad 'stuff' I have passed on to my children.  I read many years ago about 'intergenerational sins' and how easily we can pass them on to generations of our posterity, seemingly innocent weaknesses and faulty thinking that somehow end up being serious stumbling blocks to someone down the line.  In other words, how we live not only affects us but many others whose lives we impact. It’s a sobering and frightening thought. This well-meaning parable of the lost sheep sears my heart:

“Twas a grown-up sheep that wandered away from the ninety and nine in the fold.

And out on the hilltops and out in the storm twas a sheep that the Good Shepherd sought,

And back to the flock and back to the fold twas a sheep that the Good Shepherd brought.

Now why should the sheep be so carefully fed and cared for still today?

Because there is danger if they go wrong, they will lead the lambs astray.

For the lambs will follow the sheep you know wherever they wander, wherever they go.

If the sheep go wrong, it will not be long till the lambs are as wrong as they.

So still with the sheep do we earnestly plead for the sake of the lambs today,

If the lambs are lost what a terrible cost some sheep will have to pay.”

-        Author Unknown, A variation of C.C. Miller’s “Parable of the Lost Sheep”

If you feel the weight of this message, know that the hope lies in the second sentence. There is someone on your side invested in your responsibility of parenthood. The Good Shepherd can feed you to rise to the greatest work you will ever do in your mortality, that of being a parent. And when you stumble, He will pay the price for your parental flaws. A close friend of mine shared with me the truth of this that has brought some peace to my heart:

“I have often thought of my parental failing in the middle of the night. One night as I was thinking of these failings I thought that one day I will have to pay for them. I wanted to pay for them but as I thought that, the Saviour’s voice came into my mind, “I have already paid for them”. Tears of comfort whenever I think of this.”  

Be comforted. Whatever the pain in your heart, the Good Shepherd will heal your wounds. 

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: The Good Shepherd by Chris Brazelton)

PARENTHOOD

 

I am often amazed how much is required of some parents. I see it in my daughter constantly who is a mother of a special needs child. I worry about her, I ache for her, I cry with her. It has made me reflect on the two special attributes that she is acquiring in the process of her motherhood: selflessness and self-sacrifice.

 

Our society has drummed into us, especially into women, that we need to have a life of our own, unimpeded by children who always demand to come first and push us and our needs to the back burner. We often complain that we no longer have a life of our own because of kids. Whereas there needs to be some sort of a balance and respite provided to cope better with demands of parenthood, society’s dogma has convinced a lot of people in the world not to have children at all. 

 

I think of Christ, whose children we are….and his selflessness and self-sacrifice. Imagine if the Saviour spent His life complaining that He also had no life of His own because He was purely here for us. Would He be willing to get up on that cross when the time came? It boggles the mind. Lucky for us, the Saviour navigated His whole life through the pure love of Christ within Him. Pure love basically means He had no motive for self-advancement or self-gain. The love was purely for others and this love enabled Him to carry the cross of  selflessness and self-sacrifice. By virtue of our discipleship, we have access to the pure love of Christ so we too can carry such a cross. This love is bestowed upon all true followers of Christ who actively seek it. Moroni promised as much (Moroni 7:47,8). 

 

I take my hat off to you parents who are bringing up children in this ever increasingly evil world. Just remember, your children will one day be gems in your royal crown, as we will be in Christ’s when He comes to make up His jewels (Malachi 3:17).

 

What are children to a mother

If not gifts from heaven’s door;

As jewels from God’s own bosom

Gifted to her heart forever more.

Entrusted with the greatest charge

Sealed with hope of tender care;

From His hands

To mothers given

As gifts of worth beyond compare.

- CATHRYNE ALLEN

(Art by Greg Olsen)

 

THE GIFT OF SACRIFICE

 

I mulled over the principle of sacrifice this Christmas. I am not sure why but perhaps my thoughts were ignited by my daughter who is far from the Gospel path pursuing a life that leaves me confounded. I would easily lay down my life if it would bring her back to God. And so the principle of sacrifice has made me realise an important truth.

 

It has become clear to me that the parental bond is strong within us so that it would motivate us to continuously sacrifice ourselves for our children, but for a very important reason. Basically, we are here on this earth for three reasons: 1. To gain a body; 2. To be tested and; 3. To become like Christ and thus become co-heirs with Him in the kingdom of God. It is this third reason that is in my mind connected to the principle of sacrifice. Self-sacrifice is central to Christ’s character, therefore, it stands to reason that we need to follow this path in order to become like Him. Thus sacrifice is a gift of immense proportions. What the Saviour achieved in His momentous death, we have the opportunity to emulate in the entire course of our lives through our children. The self-sacrifice we invest ourselves in is a similitude of the Saviour’s sacrifice for us. It is significant to note that because of His sacrifice, He has become our spiritually begotten ‘father’…..hence accentuating the parental bond that unites us through the medium of sacrifice. 

 

And here is another important thought: our children more often than not do not recognise or appreciate our sacrifices for them. Often it becomes an act of appreciation when they are adults and parents themselves but even then, not always. This too is a similitude of Christ’s sacrifice for us. Many people don’t appreciate His sacrifice, or they reject it, and even deny it, as atheists do. Some of our children do the same with us,  even defiantly pointing out that they didn’t ‘ask us’ to do so, that it was more or less our parental duty.  The difference in regards to the Saviour’s sacrifice is this: we DID ask Him to sacrifice himself for us long before this earth began. The minute we sustained Him as our Saviour and Redeemer, our sustaining vote became a plea. His birth, his death and everything in between was a sacrifice of an exemplary path to godhood. May we honour the God of our salvation and lay upon the altar our sacrifice alongside His. 

 

Did You count me amongst Your valuable host

As we met in the councils of heaven?

Did I stand strong and ready to defend Your godship;

To smite the enemy,

To secure Your path to my eternity?

Was I brave and willing to carry the cross

Some of the way to Calvary?

Did I weep with You in the garden

And held You as You bore the burdens of mortality?

Did I wipe the sweat of Your brow

As I wept for You and weep even now?

Did I promise to bear Your name

Etched in my mortal heart for all to see?

Am I now worthy to carry Your sacrifice

With me into eternity?

- CATHRNE ALLEN