Some years
ago, another divorced, single mother moved into my Ward which made us the only
two women of that marital status in that ward. We struck up a friendship and I
was grateful that there would be someone around who would understand me and my
life. This proved more difficult than I thought.
The sister
in question was vastly different from me. She was a career woman managing her
own business and I was a lowly office worker, with no professional aspirations,
struggling to make ends meet. She was a very strong, independent individual who
handled her four children with ease and trained them well for a life of
independence. I was a self-sacrificing mother who turned herself into a taxi
driver for my young teenagers and who did everything in my power to spare them
any discomfort and difficulty.
With time
it became apparent to me that my new friend and I were reading the same book
but we were not on the same page. In other words, we were two different
individuals in the same situation but with different responses to that
situation. We were different people and the same difficulties were affecting us
differently. This taught me that it is futile to seek understanding from other
people because of our differences.
I also came
to understand another truth. Be careful of turning a close friend into your
mentor. I had a handful of close friends that I used to seek advice from which
I narrowed down to one confidant who I considered understood my spiritual
journey more than anyone else but even though we had a very strong spiritual
connection, our lives were vastly different. She was married and I was single,
she was well and I was sick. I noticed with time that her advice was often, if
not always, from her frame of reference and her experiences in life. I used to
value whatever she said until I noticed that some of the advice she was giving
me was not applicable to me.
When I
became sick two years ago, I retreated into myself a lot and became very
alienated from people I knew because I felt nobody understood what I was going
through. Pain has a way of teaching you that. I had never been in a more
isolating situation before in my life. All of a sudden I was incredibly alone
with something I was dealing with that was very difficult. I knew it was futile
to expect others to understand because nobody else had ever experienced what it
is like to live in my skin……except only one..
I came to
understand the Saviour’s lonely road He trod when He was here. This scripture
seared my heart: “Reproach hath broken my heart; and I am full of heaviness:
and I looked for some to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but
I found none.” (Psalm 69:20). I understood a fraction of what He felt during
the crucible of His life when He was forsaken by all. If Christ’s Atonement was
a descent into the ‘bottomless pit’ of human agony, then I know that He alone
understands my life and my sufferings…..because in that bottomless pit was my
agony too.
I
met You on the lonely road
And
heard You say to me:
You
will ever be mine
If
you walk with me.
Your
presence enthralled me,
Your
exquisite love nearly ripped me apart;
I
walked away from all else
Just
to have You in my heart.
I
walk now with Your hand in mine,
The
lonely road paved with tears of love
Oh,
if only everyone knew where to find You
And
long for You to come!
- CATHRYNE ALLEN
(Artist Unknown)
