For years I struggled to understand my life. I was grateful for the difficulties I have experienced because they brought me to ‘know’ God but I think that understanding was more intellectual and gratitude only skin deep. When your mind understands something that your heart doesn’t, it’s always a struggle. I remained in this struggle for many, many years handling feelings of failure because my attempts to rise above my situation seemed fruitless.
In his farewell address, King Benjamin spoke a lot about humility and taught me an important lesson one morning. He said if we humble ourselves ‘in the depths of humility’ we will be: filled with the love of God; retain a remission of our sins; and grow in the knowledge of the glory of Him (Mosiah 4:11,12). For years my desire has been twofold: to come to know what I now understand to be the glory of God and not just knowledge of Him, and to never become lost. I realised as I studied King Benjamin’s comments on humility that my humble little life has had me on this path all along. Every difficulty, every teaching moment from above brought me to the foot of His throne and brought me closer to Him. I could see that over the years, I became more and more teachable and felt His love more and more. This closeness strengthened me to the point where I was consecrating myself and my life to Him each and every day. The morning I studied Mosiah 4, my vision embraced this truth and gratitude overflowed my heart as I accepted my life and was glad it had not been otherwise. I never thought I would come to the point where I would be grateful for all my earthly lack, inadequacy and unfulfillment.
I give all glory to Him who is without beginning and without end; whose wisdom surpasses all; whose work is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man….who can lift me to the heights of His throne.
If you are in the same struggle as I have been for many, many years, may God grant you the wider view and show you the wonder of you…..
You stood in the vista of my heart
Granting me the wider view
My eyes were opened
And I understood the meaning of You.
You came to this plane of sorrow
Your footsteps to pave the trail;
I follow, I follow
Gathering drops of You that feed me
Like manna in the wilderness
And life giving morning dew.
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