After Alma came out of his three days of torment he immediately began to preach of Christ's mercy and His power to save. Nowhere in the scriptures does it say that he moped around and agonised over his past sins and felt bad about himself. When recounting the experience to his son Helaman, he informs him of an extremely important end result of forgiveness that He received from the Saviour when he called upon His mercy. He said: "And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more" (Alma 36:19).
One of the definitions of the word 'harrow' in the dictionary, is 'distress of mind' or to 'disturb painfully'. What Alma is saying when he speaks of his experience is not that he forgot his sins but that the memory of them no longer distressed him and that the Saviour took away the painful state of mind that sins are capable of producing. And why did He do that? Surely, Alma, having been one of the 'very vilest of sinners' (Mosiah 28:4) deserved to feel bad about what he did. But Alma did feel bad. He suffered the godly sorrow asked of every repentant sinner, an intense sorrow which lasted for three days and which cast him into the very 'gall of bitterness' (Alma 36:18). Obviously, the Saviour didn't require more than that of Alma. He did not require him to live in the past for the rest of his life beating himself up for what he did. What He did require of Alma was for Alma to become a great man. A man who would be an instrument in His hands to teach others of Christ’s power to save.
The true sign of repentance is never just forsaking one's sins but allowing the purifying power of the Holy Ghost to create a new man in Christ within us and with this new man becoming a profitable servant of God. This is true fruits of repentance. Alma and the sons of Mosiah understood this (Alma 26:22).
When you look at Alma and his life, do you see a broken man with a past or do you see a powerful prophet of the Lord? Alma, who went about with the intent to destroy the Church became Alma who led the Nephite armies in battle, who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons, who was spat upon by the unrepentant, who dumbfounded an anti-christ, who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance (Alma 4:4,5), who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma 45:19). Alma certainly did become that great man that the Lord needed.
If you are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins, you are missing the person that you could be. If you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you. In this state you are not good to anyone; not to yourself, not to God, not to your fellowman. If you consider yourself a bad person because of your past and do not possess inner peace, you will eventually start seeking it elsewhere. And some of the places you can end up in have the potential to distance you from God and they are usually not long lasting.
If you have repented of your sins but can't let
go of them, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. The
adversary wants nothing more than for your sins to continue to have power over
you, even after you have forsaken them. But that power is really yours
and only you can decide how it will be used. Your forgiveness is not
complete until you allow the Saviour to take away your remorse. The power
of the Atonement can complete this process. Believe it, trust it, ask for
it. The Lord has work for you to do and He is waiting.
- CATHRYNE ALLEN
(Art: My Peace I Give Unto You by B. Laura Wilson)
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