TO BE FREE

 

For years I admired and at times envied someone in my close circle who was doing all the wrong things but seemed to have it all. I felt under-privileged and even victimised by my persistent and arduous journey on the strait and narrow. At times I even wondered if doing the right things was worth it. I arrived at my 60s with pretty much nothing; no husband, no home, no financial security, no material possessions. Now that I am here, however, I realise I have something far more superior to any of these things.  And that someone who seemed to have it all? Well, she has bondage. Over the years as I have watched this person be led 'by the neck with a flaxen cord'  (2 Nephi 26:22) my feelings of admiration and envy have turned to pity and compassion. Recently I spent some time on the phone with this person as she related through tears her entrapment in an emotionally abusive and spiritually degrading situation. After years of bad choices, her faith in God has all but been destroyed and belief in the basics of the Gospel been severely diminished. How does a flaxen cord become so strong around a person's neck that the adversary has the power to bind a person with it forever? (2 Nephi 26:22). The answer is, with one bad choice at a time and with each choice, a lack of repentance. And lack of repentance means only one thing, suffering. What once seemed like freedom to choose turns out not to be freedom at all.

In his latest conference talk, President Oaks said that 'we can be cleansed by the process of repentance' (Oaks, 'Cleansed by Repentance', CR April 2019). As I contemplated this I realised that this cleansing is not only beneficial in regards to final judgment and eternal life but that it is also meant to be advantageous to us here and now. True and sincere repentance leads to forgiveness and forgiveness leads to freedom. Freedom from the effects of sin such as: shame, guilt, lack of self-respect, low self-esteem, depression, emotional pain, sorrow, anxiety, weakened personal and spiritual power and all negative emotions generated by sin. As I contemplated further about the freeing power of forgiveness I also came to understand how much more freedom we can gain as we willingly forgive others. Setting aside the fact that forgiving others is a commandment (D&C 64:9,10), I am certain this commandment was put into place for the benefit of the victim and not the oppressor or perpetrator. Some people erroneously believe that forgiving someone their offences means that our forgiveness absolves them from their actions and that means that they are forgiven. In reality, we do not possess the power to forgive anyone's sins. That power rests with God. Forgiving another their trespass against us means acknowledging their human frailties and freeing ourselves from the effects of their actions such as: resentment, hatred, bitterness, judgment, pain and all inflicted suffering. This can be a tall order however, where a very serious offence has taken place. How do you forgive physical and mental abuse by a spouse, sexual abuse by a family member, betrayal of a loved one, even murder of someone close to you?

I can testify to you that there is no pain bigger than the Atonement. When it is beyond our mortal capability to forgive another there is still hope. I have been through an experience in my life too personal to recount where forgiveness was beyond me. It was in that moment of suffering that I was given to know that through my faith in Jesus Christ and the power of His Atonement I could be gifted a forgiving heart. As I petitioned the Lord over and over, this gift was granted. I cannot adequately describe all the positive consequences that ensued as a result of this gift in my life and the lives of those around me, especially my children. The freedom it afforded me decades ago lives with me still. That gift of a forgiving heart has enabled me to forgive over and over the foibles of others;  from my friends to Church leaders to my children to strangers. It has taught me to let go and do so with compassion. This in turn has increased my capacity to love. 

As I listened to my friend agonise over her situation I wondered why we choose pain in our lives when we can have so much better through obedience to God's commandments. Sin is never as good as it appears to be. To those not vigilant enough, appearances are easily misunderstood. But gloss can dim overnight and reveal its ugliness and the devil calls for collection of debt all too soon. Compare his clutches of deceit and hatred to the loving arms of the Saviour who vigilantly watches over us waiting for the slightest act of obedience so that He might bless us. I am certain our pain is His pain and with everlasting mercy and kindness He stands with open arms to receive us and give us freedom from the wounds inflicted by our thoughtlessness, ignorance and waywardness. For has He not said, '....though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow....be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love." (Isaiah 1:18; D&C 6:20)