LEAVING THE PAST

 

I tend to look back a lot now that I am in my twilight years. Not surprisingly, my rear-view mirror syndrome has brought up a lot of issues that have long been buried and caused me a great deal of guilt that I was not aware of. I have lived a good life but this is what happens when you are very hard on yourself. You are never good enough to the most important person you have to live with – yourself.

I realised in my reverie that I was in sore need of self-forgiveness. This made me reflect on the two men from scriptures who are in my mind perfect examples of this principle, Paul of Tarsus and Alma, the son of Alma.

When I study Paul’s epistles I am amazed at the grand scale of his growth, the depth of his understanding of the doctrine of Christ and his repeated testimony of the only source of our salvation. His words expounding doctrine have been studied for over 2,000 years. Yet in the beginning, presumably because of his guilt, he considered himself ‘the least of the apostles’ and not worthy to be called such because he persecuted the church of God (1 Corinthians 15:9).

Paul eventually came to recognise his good deeds and self-worth through the greatest tool of all: “By the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me” (1 Corinthians 15:10). I believe he arrived at that place of self-forgiveness when he could in the end, in clear conscience say: “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7).

In his day, Alma became a living testament of the Saviour's power of deliverance.  Not only because Christ forgave him for his sins but because He freed him to become a great man.  After Alma came out of his three days of torment he immediately began to preach of Christ's mercy and His power to save (Mosiah 27:32).

Nowhere in the scriptures does it say that he moped around and agonised over his past sins and felt bad about himself because ‘he had his guilt taken away from his heart, through the merits of God’s Son’ (Alma 24:10). Alma, who went about with the intent to destroy the Church became Alma who led the Nephite armies in battle, who sat naked with Amulek in dungeons, who was spat upon by the unrepentant, who dumbfounded an anti-Christ, who baptised thousands of souls unto repentance (Alma 4:4-5), who the Lord in the end took up unto himself (Alma 45:19). 

When you look at Paul and Alma, do you see broken men with a past or do you see powerful servants of the Lord?  If you are still 'harrowed' up by your past sins, you are missing the person that you could be.  If you believe you are no good, the Lord can make nothing of you.  If you have repented of your sins but can't let them go, you are giving them more power than you are giving God. Your forgiveness is not complete until you allow the Saviour to take away your remorse. The power of the Atonement can complete this process. 

Remember, consequences of sin keeps your wrong doing in your memory discouraging backsliding better than guilt. Guilt just stops you from moving forward.

Mortality is not for the faint hearted. It affects each of us negatively in different degrees but the grace of Him who died to make all things new is our only saving grace (2 Corinthians 5:17)

- CATHRYNE ALLEN 

(Art: Lean On Him by Chris Brazelton)