I have of late been going through an exhausting trial of faith. The feeling has been one akin to standing on thin ice and each day having to make a choice of whether I will keep standing or shatter the ice and fall through. I have never experienced anything like it and I feared I would lose my soul. My prayers sent heavenward were for my preservation born out of that fear. I had cut off all contact with my friends and would not confide in anyone because my dominant thought was: "nobody understands me". I even felt abandoned by God in my petition for deliverance. My trust has been tested to the extreme. When I could bear it no longer I contacted a close friend who reminded me of one person who is high on my list of esteem: Joseph of Egypt. She said to me I was in a prison, like he was, not knowing what comes next. It resonated with me. To re-acquaint myself with this outstanding example of humanity I re-read his story in Genesis and then I retreated to one of my favourite books: The Old Testament Pseudepigrapha (the compiled ancient Jewish and Jewish-Christian documents). Whether you believe these to be authentic or not I offer up here hope for those of you who are going through a crisis of faith which is found in the writings of Joseph:
"These, my brethren, hated me but the Lord loved me.
They wanted to kill me, but the God of my fathers preserved me.
Into a cistern they lowered me; the Most High raised me up.
They sold me into slavery; the Lord of all set me free.
I was taken into captivity; the strength of his hand came to my aid.
I was overtaken by hunger; the Lord himself fed me generously.
I was alone, and God came to help me.
I was in weakness, and the Lord showed his concern for me.
I was in prison, and the Savior acted graciously in my behalf.
I was in bonds, and he loosed me; falsely accused, and he testified in my behalf.
Assaulted by bitter words of the Egyptians, and he rescued me.
A slave, and he exalted me.
For the Lord does not abandon those who fear him,
neither in darkness, or chains, or tribulation or direst need....
In various ways he offers assistance,
even though for a brief time he may stand aside in order to test the disposition
of the soul.....because perseverance is a powerful medicine and endurance provides
many good things."
- Testament of the Twelve Patriarchs, The Old Testament Pseudepigrapha, p 819
