I taught the Relief Society lesson today based on Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk entitled 'Like a Broken Vessel'. It is refreshing to have the General Authorities share the things they have suffered in their lives as Elder Holland did with a bout of serious depression, so serious that it made it difficult for him to function. The depression he talks of is 'a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively'. This kind of depression is usually born from some serious trials that we are subject to in this fallen world: death, divorce, prolonged unemployment, transgression, post natal blues, abusive marriage, work stress etc. Sometimes physical reasons come into the equation as well such as food allergies, prolonged sickness, disability, diet deficiency, drug dependency. I realise there are many degrees of depression and many different ways of handling it. The purpose of this blog is always to view things from the spiritual perspective and so I offer my thoughts in this vein.
Among other suggestions for coping with this malady, Elder Holland suggests to 'faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life'. We all know what these practices are: prayer, scriptures, fasting, temple, Church attendance. I can attest that bringing the spirit into your life is the best course to pursue in relation to depression because I have benefited from it myself. I recognise how incredibly hard it is to do anything positive when you are depressed. Even though I have not had debilitating depression, I had experienced prolonged bouts of it for many years leading to my marriage. This only got worse during my marriage. Following my divorce I was hanging by a thread in the Church not knowing which way I was gonna go. I finally resolved that I could not leave the Church not only because of myself but mostly because of my children. However, I did not just stay active, I did something that would bring me amazing benefits which I did not know at the time. I immersed myself in the scriptures and started studying about the Atonement. After about a year or more I realised one day I had not been depressed for a very long time. In fact, I realised that I had not been depressed since I had started studying the scriptures. I gave it some serious reflection and came to understand that studying the scriptures brought the spirit into my life more than anything else I was doing and that the spirit healed me of the depression. That was 18 years ago and I have not been depressed since. This is not to say that life doesn't get me down from time to time but an occasional down day does not depression make. I feel mentally healthy and spiritually well.
I believe the reason Elder Holland suggests the devotional practices first and foremost is because not only does the spirit help us cope from day to day but because in the end it heals us. It might not happen overnight but I truly believe that over time the spirit of God heals all spiritual wounds and corrects all spiritual and emotional defects.
My spiritually sensitive daughter suffered from severe depression for 5 years during her teenagehood. It was the most difficult time of her life and mine too. The depression was so great that it derailed her from the Church as she searched for other ways to free herself from the prison she felt she was in. This only compounded the problem as it produced a huge amount of guilt and remorse in her. I feel this ride to hell and subsequent emergence from it will somehow be a force for good if she now remains faithful. Just like Alma and the sons of Mosiah, I too believe that she will make something good come out of something so bad. A year after my daughter came back to the Church she served a full time mission. Her reactivation was the beginning of her spiritual and emotional healing. Her journey of wellness has really only just begun. It's like an onion that she is peeling off one layer at a time but already she has helped so many people with her understanding of their trials. She is not a broken vessel anymore, only slight cracks remain but a vessel with cracks can still do much good as is demonstrated in the following story.
'A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years, of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts", the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said:
"As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path".
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trial, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot:
"Did you notice that there were flowers only on you side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."
Each of us has our own unique flaws. We are all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, our flaws are used to grace life's table. In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste. Don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them and you too can be the case of beauty. Know that in our weakness we find our strength. May we look for one another's strengths to build up one another and in doing so build the kingdom of God.'
My daughter informed me the other day that she is helping one of her converts from her mission who had gone inactive and is now suffering from severe depression. I thank God that my daughter is a cracked pot. May she water the flower bed every day of her life and thereby serve God who gave her life.
If you are in the darkest abyss and "though you may feel 'like a broken vessel'....you must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter......Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee" (Jeffrey R. Holland). Trust in it, believe in it, hope for it.
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